11 Great Jobs for Guys… That Might Not Be All They’re Cracked Up to Be

by Burnsy on September 30, 2011 at 12:32pm -

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11 Great Jobs for Guys… That Might Not Be All They’re Cracked Up to Be

The new season of "Hung" premieres Sunday at 10 p.m. on HBO, with Ray, the divorced high school teacher and basketball coach, back for another year of making some serious side coin as a prostitute. He's got competition this season from a new man-hoe, Jason, whose pimp, Lenore, used to be one of Ray's pimps. So how good of a job is male prostitution? In today's dire job market, is this the ultimate Bro career choice? Not exactly. As "Hung" shows, not every "dream job" is as phenomenal as it may seem to an outsider. Here are 10 jobs that may seem like awesome careers, but in fact have some serious drawbacks.

Tags: bro jobs careers hbo hung sponsored post tv

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Male Prostitute

The Draw: You get paid to have sex with lots of women. Enough said.

The Drawbacks: Sex with lots of ugly women, plus high potential for getting an STD, robbed, or murdered, likely in that order. There’s also the chance your friends and family find out about your career, you get arrested, or, well, you’re unable to accomplish the job every time out.

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Brew Master

The Draw: Beer and lots of it. Your brewery pumps out suds of the Gods — by the kegful.

The Drawbacks: Beer takes a long time to ferment and brew so you have to be really committed — were talking 70-hour weeks in rather crappy conditions, since breweries are hot and especially stinky. Come Friday, would you really even want a beer after being knee-deep in the stuff all week?

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Concert Promoter

The Draw: You get to see sweet concerts, meet lots of cool artists, and listen to great music. Plus you’d instantly be the most popular of all your friends, handing out back-stage passes, including to groupies, all day long.

The Drawbacks: Lots of shit can go wrong and you’re responsible for all of it. Website selling tickets crashes? Your fault. Concert doesn’t sell out and everyone loses money? Your fault. Artist shows up so drunk he can barely talk let alone perform? Definitely your fault. And then there’s artists’ insane demands and riders, such as Nelly’s refusal to fly Southwest or Bow Wow’s refusal to go on stage if a rotary phone is present anywhere in the premises (do those even still exist?). And have fun dealing with the musicians’ managers.

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Video Game Tester

The Draw: What Bro wouldn’t want to play video games all day long and try out the newest releases months before they come out?

The Drawbacks: All you do is play the same small segment of a game over and over and over again, day after day after day to try to catch glitches in the game play. That gets old quickly.

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Film/TV Crew

The Draw: Whether you’re on location or in a studio, you’re surrounding by movie or TV stars and working on a project that will be seen my millions of people.

The Drawbacks: Not only is film and TV production incredibly slow and boring, most of the jobs on a set suck. Who wants to be a key grip, or be in charge of setting out the craft services, or stopping traffic for every take? Trust us, having an earpiece and walkie-talkie isn’t as cool as you think it is. Not to mention, just like rockstars, movie stars have some pretty ridiculous demands.

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Professional Athlete

The Draw: You can be a hero, end the Red Sox’s season, win a championship: What’s not to love? Every bro would list professional athlete in their top 5, if not 2 or 3 dream jobs, and who can blame them.

The Drawbacks: It depends on the sport, of course, but usually the road to the big leagues is long and tough. In baseball, thousands of kids are drafted into the Minor Leagues and only a handful ever get an at-bat in the Majors. They’re also more likely to play in Peoria than New York. The NBA only has 12 spots per team, so good luck grabbing one of those, even if in high school you were the highest-scoring two-guard in the history of your state. The average NFL player only lasts 3.5 years in the league, and the average NHL player only leaves the game with 3.5 teeth. In every sport, after your contract is up and no one will sign you because you’re well past your prime, you face few prospects outside the game, probably because you skipped the last couple years of college or all together. Throw in the physical effects of playing contact sports — post-concussion symptoms, joint damage, back pain, and every other torn or broken somethings — and being a professional athlete ends up not exactly filled with walk-off grand slams and last-second touchdowns.

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Porn Star

The Draw: Similar to male prostitution, you get to have sex with lots of women all day long, and get paid for doing it.

The Drawbacks: Industry “regulations” aside, the women you’re having sex with generally aren’t the cleanest of the bunch, and she’s always the star — the director can tell you to do whatever he likes. Dudes will be jerking off watching you bang some girl — at least as a male prostitute you get to do it in the privacy of a dilapidated motel room. Throw in the old rumor that you have to start out in gay porn before straight porn and this is one career most Bros would pass on.

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Roadie for a Band

The Draw: You get to travel the country, hang out with the band, and bang the leftover groupies. Essentially, you’re living the rock-star lifestyle even if you have no musical talent whatsoever.

The Drawbacks: You have to lug shit around everywhere, which blows, but the groupies have to make up for it right? Wrong. It’s the ugly, diseased groupies that are left, and it’s not the ’80s anymore: the groupies are more likely to sleep with the guys in the lead singer’s entourage before the guy carrying his mic. A lot of times you’re not traveling with the band, you’re travelling ahead to make sure everything is set up. Then, when the concert ends, forget about the after-party: you’ve got to stick around to strike the entire stage.

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Car Test-Driver

The Draw: From our Matchbox days through the day we get our license and beyond, we all want to just drive sweet cars really really fast.

The Drawbacks: You really are just testing how well the brakes work at 20 m.p.h. on a Toyota Corolla, or how the steering handles in that new Dodge Plymouth. Unfortunately this isn’t “Top Gear” or “Drive” and you’re not going to be the stunt-car driver seeing which Lamborghini is faster then a Ferrari, or which concept car can really hack it.

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Bar Owner

The Draw: What bro and his buddies haven’t drunkenly late-night thought how great opening a bar would be, and how easy it would be.

The Drawbacks: Bars fail, a lot, and you’re stuck working long, weird hours, when most of your friends are out partying. You’re dealing with drunks, underage kids, and the cops they bring, not to mention you have to come up with a way to draw a crowd on a Sunday or Monday night in February when no big sporting event is going on. While it may seem like a piece of cake and that any three frat Bros could open a better bar then any in their college town, the reality is if it was that easy everyone would do it, and more than 60% of new bars wouldn’t go out of business in three years.

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ESPN Employee

The Draw: You sit around watching and talking sports all day — nothing better, right?

The Drawbacks: ESPN is known as a tough place to work, where it takes long hours of crappy pay just to get promoted past the production assistant level (where you’re cutting WNBA clips into packages for the 11:55 slot). Once you pass that, if the book “These Guys Have All the Fun” is any indication, you’ll still be treated and paid poorly, you’ll still have to work long hours, and you’ll still live in Bristol, Conn.

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