Tonight is the 2013 Grammy Awards, or, an opportunity for music lovers across the world to make snarky quips on Twitter about the dreary state of modern commercial music. Unlike the boring-ass Golden Globes or the Oscars, the Grammys provide ample reasons to get hosed on a Sunday night. Over the years, I've found that music, snark, and booze are glorious companions, especially in the company of a few good drinking partners. Why not turn all of that into a drinking game?
Thus, BroBible's official Grammy drinking game. LL Cool J is hosting! Yep, the exact same dude as last year. Good job of mixing things up, music industry. This year's motto is "#theworldislistening," which kinda goes against what should be this year's Grammy's motto: #YOLO.
You still have time before Taylor Swift opens the show to pick up a 12-pack of your favorite cheap beer. Consider these mere guidelines for boozing while watching the show than strict rules. I'll be forthright: My intention here is to get you shitfaced so you have to call out from work just like half your office did this past Monday following the Super Bowl.
In other words, much like the actual Grammy Awards themselves, don't take this drinking game too seriously.
- Every mention of the show's #theworldislistening slogan
- Every time LL Cool J changes his hat
- Every CBS camera shot of Justin Timberlake
- PSY is pictured and everyone remembers how fucking sick he is of PSY
- When CBS cameras show someone defying the strict dress code standards of the Grammys
- Every time someone you're watching with makes an angry Chris Brown joke
- If Carly Rae Jespen wins Song of the Year for "Call Me Maybe"
- If Frank Ocean's "Channel Orange" deservedly wins Album of the Year
- When Frank Ocean wins Best New Artist
- When someone you're watching the show with complains about the Alabama Shakes getting robbed for not winning Best New Artist
- If Lupe Fiasco looks strung out
- Every time Jay-Z and Kanye West win for "Ni**as in Paris"
- During a category that bores us to tears, like Best R&B Song and/or Performance
- When "Levels" wins "Best Dance Song"
- When Bruce Springsteen wins in any Rock category (just because he's The Boss)
- Someone does a dance routine that could be a stripper show at the Spearmint Rhino
- Every CBS camera shot of Drake. EVERY. TIME
- Every time someone wearing a hipster douche outfit is shown. In otherwords, every time Skrillex is shown
- When someone makes a joke about Taylor Swift's dating history
- If Taylor Swift wins Best Record of the Year for “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together”
- If Gotye wins "Best Record of the Year" for “Somebody That I Used to Know”
- If Fun. wins "Best Record of the Year" for “We Are Young”
- Every time Beyonce looks smug
- If Justin Timberlake's performance of "Suit and Tie" sucks, even with the addition of Jay-Z
- If Odd Future shows up.
- When Adele beats out Rihanna for "Best Pop Solo Performance"
- Steve Aoki or Deadmau5 do something crazy in their acceptance speech after winning "Best Dance/Electronica Album"
- Someone you're watching the show with makes snarky comments about Mumford and Sons dressing like American Civil War-era soldiers
Finish your drink:
- When an artist looks visibly upset for not winning
- If Rick Ross is eating a cheeseburger
- Chris Brown and Frank Ocean get in a fight.
- When someone makes a joke about Justin Bieber getting snubbed
- If 2 Chainz has more than two chains on
- If Nas manages to finally win a Grammy
- If Skrillex beats Avicii for "Best Dance Song"
- If there's an actual EDM artist beef war off-camera
Take a shot:
- During the inevitable performance that makes everyone go "WTF?!" (ala Nicki Minaj's Satanic ritual last year)
- If someone you're watching the show with asks, "Who was Levon Helm?" during the tribute to the late, great founding member of The Band
- If someone you're watching the show with asks, "Who was Dave Brubeck?" during the Stanley Clarke, Chick Corea, and Kenny Garrett tribute to the late, great jazz pianist
- If any artist other than Frank Ocean wins "Album of the Year"
- If Drake's "The Motto" wins Best Rap Song of the Year
- When you're sick of hearing "We Are Young," "Somebody That I Used to Know," and "Call Me Maybe," just for the hell of it
Take a shot of whiskey:
- Every country performance. Except you, Taylor Swift, because you're not country
Smoke a blunt
- When CBS cameras show Snoop Dogg/Snoop Lion looking ridiculous
- If someone -- we're looking at you, Wiz Khalifa -- actually references weed's legalization in Colorado and/or Washington
- "Imma let you finish" -- Kanye interrupts someone's acceptance speech for whatever reason.
Have some more Grammy drinking game rules? Let us know in the comments!
*Don't actually butt-chug, idiot.