This job is a gift that just surprises you day in and day out. Like today, when I discovered that there's a nine-year-old rapper out there named Lil Poopy. Poopy is a busy MC: He's a member of French Montana's group, the Coke Boys. He's shot videos that feature him slapping a woman's ass, flashing wads of cash, and riding in a Ferrari. He's hung out at nightclubs with Diddy. AND he's figured out a way to rhyme Thabo Sefolosha with Erik Spoelstra. Not bad!
Unfortunately for Poopy, the rapper's precocious rise to the top of the rap game has run afoul of the Massachusetts child welfare authorities.
The Brockton, Massachusetts, police department contacted the state's Department of Children and Families after receiving a call from a "concerned citizen" who saw the boy in videos featuring sexual themes and drug references. The state agency is brought in when there is suspicion of physical, mental, or emotional abuse of a child, according to Brockton police Lt. Robert Sergio.
"An investigation is now open," said Cayenne Isaksen, public affairs director for the state agency. Isaksen would not discuss details about the investigation, but added that non-emergency investigations typically take no longer than 15 days.
Poopy (real name Luie Rivera Jr., but come on, we're not using that) makes up to $7,500 a gig. He also goes to school every day, according to his dad. "I love my son, I adore my son," he told the Boston Herald. "He's not doing anything wrong. He's not doing drugs, he's not drinking alcohol. There are other kids out there killing kids, doing drugs, molesting. He's just singing hooks. He's not hurting anyone."
I can't say I have any clue what's going on here—I've written this whole post under a state of confusion and distress—but there is a precedent for Poopy's young career. Lil Wayne was nine when Birdman signed him to Cash Money.
And he's turned out great!