Rappers don't beef anymore. There's too much at stake—appearance fees, headphone cross-marketing opportunities, the likelihood of being shot in a Las Vegas drive-by—to justify two top-of-their-game guys really attacking each other. Jay Z and Nas have long since made up. Kanye West and 50 Cent would never fight if they were to meet in a corporate boardroom. Even Kendrick Lamar, who recently called out every relevant rapper under the age of 30, has received nothing but respect and admiration from his peers after the initial fallout from "Control." If that atom bomb of a verse generates anything major, it'll come in the form of a Drake ballad about how upset this has all made him feel.
(You're still the man, Drake. Your new album is fire.)
So for really mean shit—dark, angry shit—we turn to the world of female R&B, specifically Rihanna and Teyana Taylor, who are currently acting out the Biggie and Tupac saga of the Instagram age. You know who Rihanna is. Taylor, you probably don't: She's an up-and-coming New York-based singer, who recently recorded this cover of an Anita Baker song.
For some reason, that post recently prompted Rihanna to set down the day's 86th blunt, call over her man-servant Yusef, and ask him to don a wig and make fun of Taylor's cover. He seemed to succeed.
THAT WAS MEAN. Taylor seemed like such a nice lady.
But, alright. Story over? Hahahaha. NO. Taylor took to Twitter and ripped apart Rihanna, writing "petty is petty and shade is shade, bitch knew what the fuck she was doing" among a few other statements that I'm having difficulties translating. According to Hot 97 this morning, Taylor was asked by her manager, who is her mother, to delete the incriminating tweets. But Rihanna still pretty clearly saw them, and today she changed Twitter background to this image, taken from CelebrityNetWorth.com
And to write:
Screaming in an empty room! #dontfeedtheanimals— Rihanna (@rihanna) September 24, 2013
And then Taylor went there—you might know what that there is referring to—changing your Twitter background to this:
Woosh. Rihanna instantly has everyone's sympathy. Eagerly awaiting the rebuttal.