If you've already touched down in the desert, smelled the openly-consumed shrooms, and recognized the first chords from that indie band you heard that one time in an AT&T commercial.... then there's no hope for you. You can't prepare now. You're in it deep at Coachella and you've got to adapt on the fly or else you'll not "have the best fucking weekend of our lives." Tough life, I know.
It's a different story for the four guys in this funny Funny or Die clip—the guys go through a "Coachella Boot Camp" to fully prepare them for the modern-day Woodstock that's to come. They're led by a maniacal Gny. Sgt. Hartman, who drugs them and sends them off to find themselves in the desert where, slowly, they fall into dehydration-induced madness. Which leads to the clip's highlight: "YOU CAN'T COME IN THE FORT."
One issue: I do kind of wish that one of the grunts had screwed up and pronounced it "Co-A-chella," which would have caused the drill sergeant to freak out. Mainly because I did this the other day, and was hit with a dick-bag dropping "You mean 'Co-chella?'" Possibly the worst moment of my week. I hope he's reading this.
[H/T: Funny or Die]