When you take it upon yourself to chronicle the continued misadventures of world-class asshole Chris Brown, it's sometimes easy to miss the small things. You get so caught up in the big, public assholy things the "singer" does—like getting Rihanna's battered face tattooed on his neck, threatening to shit on comedian Jenny Johnson, and having his entourage swing at Frank Ocean—that you miss the smaller, less visible assholy things he's so damn good at. Things that really drive home the fact that when Brown isn't even trying to be an offensive douche, he's still worse than anyone else you know.
Take this relatively underreported interview he gave with Hot 97 yesterday. It contains all the usual Chris Brown-isms, like the cocaine-induced twitching, the constant references to his "haters" and his newfound "positivity," and the sleazy "woe-is-me" statements about how at least Rihanna cares about him again. On the surface, the interview isn't that special. We've grown accustomed on this "comeback tour" to Brown's attempt at a comeback without any sort of remorse. (Just for the record, this is not a good strategy.)
I can't stop thinking about how weird this intro is, though. Angie Martinez starts things off by bringing up the "love story" of Brown and Rihanna. "You're writing these songs, telling your life through these songs—it's like the best story ever!" He agrees, and starts rambling about how well he's been able to "incorporate his personal life in his music." Then Martinez says, "The whole love story of it all.... It's an amazing story!"
"Yeah, yeah, it's a great story. Hopefully in a couple of years, they'll do an actual movie of it!"
The dude beat the shit out of her. This isn't some classic romantic "boy-losing-girl" The Notebook-type story. Boy lost girl because.... he beat the shit out of her. That sweeping movie you're thinking about? Law and Order already did it. It was a ripped-from-the-headlines cautionary tale. I mean.... We might be looking at the most irony-deaf celebrity in history.
The interview continues with Martinez asking Brown if the couple ever brings up Drake, who brawled with Brown at a New York City club last year. He says, direct quote:
"That's a good question. I don't really try to talk about him when I'm around her. I just do my thing. I just lay the pipe. I don't talk. I don't pillow talk."
This interview features Brown acting as nicely as he possibly can. And he's got a sycophantic interviewer asking him questions.
Meaning: Even when he's not trying, he's still the biggest douche in the world.