I know most of you don't have any desire to listen to the album, but I am sure you'd like a collection of every sex and drug line Miley drops. Which is what we have below. Come join me for Sizzurp-fueled, marijuana-addled, vibrator-aided journey through Miley Cyrus's Bangerz.
La di da di, we like to party, dancing with Molly (We Can't Stop)
Miley's album kicks off with her most-parsed lyric, which people spent a month debating. Is she talking about dancing with herself or snorting pure MDMA in the bathroom of a club? For anyone that bothered to listen for another 30 seconds, she answers the question pretty explicitly.
And everyone in line in the bathroom, trying to get a line in the bathroom (We Can't Stop)
Yes. She was talking about snorting MDMA. And probably cocaine as well. I bet she stirs the two together into a little power powder that fuels her all night.
You say you love me, I ain't fooling with that. They ask me how I keep a man, I keep a battery pack (SMS)
Miley doesn't need a gentleman who will throw his sport coat over a puddle, just a CVS sales clerk to ring up AA batteries at 3:30 a.m.
You know I'm on that meow (SMS)
This is either a reference to Ketamine or how she is a lesbian now.
That must be the purple. Got up in my brain, had me a little bit dismal (SMS)
Our first Sizzurp reference of the album. Of course, Miley, with all the money in the world, is still purchasing off-brand Dimetapp and chasing it with a liter of Sprite because that is how you keep it real.
I'm in that passenger seat, riding high as hell (4X4)
At least she isn't driving while blazing. Who says Miley can't be a role model to our children? I would gladly take my children to her house, if only because I would instruct them to rifle through her medicine cabinet for Percocet.
He don't understand what he's doing to me. Deep down inside like a pitbull in heat (4X4)
Being as horny as a dog in heat is an extreme level of sexual excitement. Dogs in heat fuck everything. I guess that explains why Miley couldn't lay off the foam finger at the VMAs. And Robin Thicke's balls.
Continue reading on the next page…
Now I got dirt all over my body. Might as well light an L (4X4)
If the choice is between taking a shower and getting stoned, Miley prefers the later. Unless she is talking about showering after she gets high. Showering while stoned is the best. Miley so smart.
You're sexy sexy I got things I want to do to you. Make me, make me, make my tongue just go do-do-do (#GETITRIGHT)
She is talking about being oral sexed so good that she moans. I think. Or wanting to sexily twirl her tongue around a dick while humming. I'm not certain which. Maybe both.
I been laying in this bed all night long, don't you think it's time to get it on? (#GETITRIGHT)
Yes. I do.
I feel the thirst pouring out of me, for things that I wanna try that echoes in my head. This is the first time I get to see, things I've never seen in my life (#GETITRIGHT)
What, WHAT, has Miley never seen in her life? I can't imagine the sexual fetish that she's never done and is thrilled to try. I bet it involves eight Asian men and a popcorn machine.
I just oh… Sometimes you just wanna… Be naughty (#GETITRIGHT)
Does anyone ever not?
Would you believe I'm dancing in the mirror. I feel like I got no panties on. I wish that I could feel ya. So hurry, hang up that damn phone. (#GETITRIGHT)
Is she sexting here? And why would you feel like you have no panties on? Doesn't that just mean you have no panties on? Or are these like super-soft, super-chic celebrity underwear, the likes of which us unprivileged folks will never get to experience? Also dude, what the fuck are you doing? Get off the phone and go fuck Miley.
Look at me, I'm high up off the ground baby. Oh shoot, pass that shit around baby (Do My Thang)
Already fucking high and wanting more. This. Ms. Cyrus, is why America thinks you are a bad role model. Smoke what you got and nothing more. It's in the damn Bill of Rights.