Miley Cyrus's new album, Bangerz, dropped today and for whatever it lacks in profundity, it makes up for with references to all the drugs she does and sex she has.
I know most of you don't have any desire to listen to the album, but I am sure you'd like a collection of every sex and drug line Miley drops. Which is what we have below. Come join me for Sizzurp-fueled, marijuana-addled, vibrator-aided journey through Miley Cyrus's Bangerz.
La di da di, we like to party, dancing with Molly (We Can't Stop)
Miley's album kicks off with her most-parsed lyric, which people spent a month debating. Is she talking about dancing with herself or snorting pure MDMA in the bathroom of a club? For anyone that bothered to listen for another 30 seconds, she answers the question pretty explicitly.
And everyone in line in the bathroom, trying to get a line in the bathroom (We Can't Stop)
Yes. She was talking about snorting MDMA. And probably cocaine as well. I bet she stirs the two together into a little power powder that fuels her all night.
You say you love me, I ain't fooling with that. They ask me how I keep a man, I keep a battery pack (SMS)
Miley doesn't need a gentleman who will throw his sport coat over a puddle, just a CVS sales clerk to ring up AA batteries at 3:30 a.m.
You know I'm on that meow (SMS)
This is either a reference to Ketamine or how she is a lesbian now.
That must be the purple. Got up in my brain, had me a little bit dismal (SMS)
Our first Sizzurp reference of the album. Of course, Miley, with all the money in the world, is still purchasing off-brand Dimetapp and chasing it with a liter of Sprite because that is how you keep it real.
I'm in that passenger seat, riding high as hell (4X4)
At least she isn't driving while blazing. Who says Miley can't be a role model to our children? I would gladly take my children to her house, if only because I would instruct them to rifle through her medicine cabinet for Percocet.
He don't understand what he's doing to me. Deep down inside like a pitbull in heat (4X4)
Being as horny as a dog in heat is an extreme level of sexual excitement. Dogs in heat fuck everything. I guess that explains why Miley couldn't lay off the foam finger at the VMAs. And Robin Thicke's balls.
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