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8 of the worst possible t-shirts a guy can wear

By / 11.16.12
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Worst T-Shirts Guys

jesiehart, Flickr


When approaching women, a simple t-shirt can be a highly effective icebreaker. A concert t-shirt might spark a conversation about a favorite band the two of you have in common. A designer t-shirt shows off your style and swagger. A retro tee conveys that you’re laid-back—or, that it was all you could afford. There are hundreds of cool, funny and irreverent t-shirts out there that can help enhance your game. But there are also some that say “Game Over” before you’ve even begun. Here are eight t-shirts that will probably make you look like a dickhead.

Photo credit: jesiehart, Flickr

This shirt exudes charm. Don’t be surprised if you are suddenly surrounded by a plethora of Giseles and Alessandras pawing at your body. And two of them are dying to invite you to a hot model makeout party in the ladies’ room! Oh, boy! You know what else you’ll encounter in this fantasy world of Never-Gonna-Happen? Unicorns. Big-breasted unicorns. And Mick Jagger high-fiving you on your sexual conquests.

Photo credit: Guyism

Awesome
There’s no better way to prove just how awesome you are than to tell everyone how awesome you are. With an awesome t-shirt. That says ‘awesome’ on it. You feel so awesome in this t-shirt that you just want to cruise up every girl in the bar and grace her with your awesomeness. So, you do. Oddly, they all have boyfriends or are lesbians. Awesome.

Photo credit: Guyism

Tap That
This frat boy favorite is a great way to let the ladies know that your official “Greek Week” shirt is in the hamper with your other dirty clothes. It also assures them that you play beer pong or flip cup when you’re not hanging out with your fantasy football league. You’re not gay. You’re just really into bro-time. That’s why you are surrounded by dudes, and there is nary a girl within a 10-foot radius of you.

Photo credit: Guyism

FBI
This shirt begs the question: If you really were a female body inspector, what would you be looking for? Wood ticks? Atypical moles? Chest hair? A hidden appendage tucked firmly between *her* legs? Ah, yes. It’s good to be smart about things.

Photo credit: Guyism

Boobies
What are you…12? If you want to stick your pee-pee into some girl’s hoo-ha by sunrise, this shirt probably isn’t the way to do it—even if you are cuckoo for ta-tas. It sounds like something you might’ve said back in the day, behind middle school, when Amy Fenderbach lifted her top and showed her perky tangerines. On the bright side, you can still wear this shirt out—but only to the magical place that warrants its presence: Hooters.

Photo credit: Guyism

Stupid
This shirt lets everyone know that your meat whistle calls the shots. Who needs beer goggles when you’ve a got a beef telescope? It makes hitting on that hot chick so much easier. Simply tell her, “I wasn’t going to approach you, but my dick insisted that I walk over.” Who’s the boss? Your penis! And Tony Danza.

Photo credit: Guyism

Gun Show
You can bench-press 250, bounce a quarter off your abs and crush another man’s head between your quads. Maybe you don’t want to do that last one. You’re proud of your Thor-like physique and want every female to notice it. And just to make sure they’re aware of your meatiness, you’ve got a couple of arrows on your shirt to direct their eyes to your two favorite things—your biceps. Well-played.

Photo credit: Guyism

 

Ed Hardy

morganlevy, Flickr


All it took was a few douchebags to wear Ed Hardy…and suddenly, it’s in the Douchebag Hall of Fame. I’m sure it wasn’t Ed’s intention. He probably sat down one day and thought, “Hey, I bet overly bright flowers, cats, tigers, and eagle tattoos would be really cool on t-shirts.” Now, he’s got the entire cast of Jersey Shore humping his leg. However, these shirts do have one redeeming quality: they help ladies weed out the douchy. So, for that, we thank you. And to the Ed Hardy devotees, here’s to you snagging a spot on hotchickswithdouchbags.com! *fist-bump*

Photo credit: morganlevy, Flickr

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TAGSArbitrary Rankingsbad t-shirtsdumb t-shirtsfashion advicefeaturedListsMen's fashionmens t-shirtsstupid t-shirtsT-shirtsworst t-shirts
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