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10 stages every man goes through in life

By / 12.19.12
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Stages in a Mans Life

Todd Baker, Flickr

In life we go through different phases, moving from one place to another, learning, growing and then finally dying. Here, we take a look at the different places you live, the phase of life you're in and what it means for you. What stage are you currently in?

Photo credit: Todd Baker, Flickr

At Home

Ella Patenall, Flickr

I don't care if you're a toddler or a 16-year-old; when you're living at home pre-college, whether you need to borrow the car or have some spittle wiped off your chin, you still need mom and dad to get by. But if you're going to get a shred of confidence, you'd better find some way to be independent by the time you turn into an obnoxious teenager.

Photo credit: Ella Patenall, Flickr

At College

SMBCollege, Flickr

The house you grew up in is basically a vacation home now. You've moved on to college to learn whatever non-real world skills your ineffectual major will teach you and now you're living in a dorm, subsisting on swipes from the dining hall, doing your own laundry and ballooning into that "Freshman 15" far sooner than anyone expected. Where are mom and dad when you need them?

Photo credit: SMBCollege, Flickr

Back at Home

Carey Tilden, Flickr

You're a college graduate and you've moved back in with the parentals, jobless. All that education and no experience...coming so far and yet it feels like you're back to square one. Hey, at least you've got your mom to do laundry for you again, a fridge full of real food and all the toilet paper and toothpaste you could ever want. Now, if only you could get some goddamn f'in privacy...

Photo credit: Carey Tilden, Flickr


Carolyn Coles, Flickr

Congratulations, you got a job! Sure, it's only part-time, but it allows you to make up the difference with unemployment benefits. Working 20 hours a week and making 40 hours a week pay...you're livin' the dream, buddy! Though, admittedly sometimes your slobby, hygiene-handicapped roommies make it more of a living nightmare.

Photo credit: Carolyn Coles, Flickr

Without Roommates

neil conway, Flickr

After settling for a job you didn't want, you got yourself some full-time employment and immediately left your roommates behind for your own place. Now you can do all the sweet things you've wanted to while living alone, like wonder what you're going to do on Saturday night and being the naked king in your very own palace of nudity.

Photo credit: neil conway, Flickr


permanently scatterbrained, Flickr

Finally, you found a girl you can stand to be around for more than an hour without sex being the main event. In fact, you like her so much that you moved in with her. Was it too soon? Ah well, you're in too deep to turn back now, especially since you've already sold most of your stuff. Best of luck!

Photo credit: permanently scatterbrained, Flickr


thomasrdotorg, Flickr

Well, your girl turned into your wife after all. Now you've moved out of her apartment and into your own house. Good for you! Your weekends are now spent mowing the lawn, raking leaves and fixing leaks because being a property owner means you're also your own landlord.

Photo credit: thomasrdotorg, Flickr

Wife and Kids

christine [cbszeto], Flickr

You and the wife wouldn't have purchased a house if you didn't want some kids to accessorize it with, right? Now the love of your life is popping out children like she's set to semi-auto and things just got a whole lot crazier, smellier and screamier... but hey, that's what being a parent is all about.

Photo credit: christine [cbszeto], Flickr

Back with Wife

Jimmy MacDonald, Flickr

Finally, you're getting that peace and quiet you've been craving for two decades straight. The kids are off to college, you've retired and now it's just you and the missus. Be honest, you're bored as hell aren't you?

Photo credit: Jimmy MacDonald, Flickr

Nursing Home

simaje, Flickr

Life is coming to a close and your kids have decided to send you to a nice place with round-the-clock care and pudding on Fridays. It's good to sit around all day watching TV and playing Parcheesi, but what's the point if you can't grab a cute nurse's ass once in a while? Live out your golden years to their fullest.

Photo credit: simaje, Flickr

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Jason Epstein
About Jason Epstein... Jason Epstein is a nationally published freelance writer living in the greater NYC area. He's known for his close friends/good conversations/playing bass/wind in the face/rocking out/reading up/holding it down/good times/turning on dimes/and sometimes trying to rhyme(s). He can be reached at his website and you can follow him on Twitter here.
TAGSArbitrary Rankingsfeaturedlife stagesListsphases in a man's lifephases of lifestages in lifestages of a man's lifestages of life

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