Unless you’re in law enforcement, or an avid fan of murder mystery shows or Nancy Grace, you’re probably not familiar with the term “internet homicide.” It’s got nothing to do with killing it with witty comments on Reddit.
Internet homicide refers to a killing in which victim and perpetrator met online. In most cases, the perpetrator and victim only know each other because of online contact. Unfortunately, the crimes are becoming a little more common, which shouldn’t be shocking, considering most human contact is done via web and there is an actual term for the phenomenon and a Wikipedia page.
Remember the story of Elyette and Miranda Barbour — the young couple accused of luring a man, strangling and stabbing him twenty times, then dumping his body. Miranda claims the couple has killed more than 22 people using the same contact method but she “stopped keeping track” around that number. The man thought he was meeting Miranda for a sexual tryst but he allegedly got strangled and stabbed in the passenger seat of the couple’s SUV. I mean he did get strangled and stabbed, these two lovebirds allegedly did it in the name of Satan.
The threesome met because of a classified on Craigslist.
Craigslist is an incredibly useful tool. A person can find a job, a rare action figure to complete a collection, the names of local businesses for specific services and, yes, even sex. The admins do everything possible to ensure the safety of users but nothing is ever fail-safe. People, both good and evil, will continue to use the free online classified at their own risk.
In an effort to keep people safe, I’ve devised a handy list of tips to prevent more people from getting killed in the name of free stuff.
Tip #1 — Don’t Be a Woman
Ladies, there is nothing you need on Craigslist. Go to Etsy, Pinterest, Hobby Lobby, Ebay or any other of the hundreds of websites to buy stuff and buy it from the safety of your own cubicle. If there is something you MUST have on Craigslist, either go and pick it up with a group of friends (at least one dude for every third woman in group) or send a guy to get it instead. If he gets killed, the only-used-once Louis Vitton handbag he picked up will go great with the outfit you’ve chosen for his viewing.
Tip #2 — Run the Seller’s Name & Email Through Social Media
Most Craigslist ads involve responding to an automated email address created by the website. If the freak wants to take the conversation off the grid, he’ll start using a personal email. It’s possibly a fake (he doesn’t really use JesusIsaBrony@yahoo.com) but run the name through the ringer anyway. Go to Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn and attempt to “find a friend through email” and see if the Brother Brony pops on any of the website. Also run the email through a Google search. Just because.
Tip #3 — Tell or Take At Least One Person
If you’re going to check out free appliances in a part of town without running water, or in the actual hotel room once occupied by Sid and Nancy, tell a few people your plans for the day. Leave an email, text, Twitter, and Facebook trail of the exact location. “Enjoying a nice lunch then going to check out a record collection at the home of “Barry” who lives at 43 Wilson Ave. and if none of you hear from me in the next 48 hours either Barry and I fell in love over a long-play record of the UK printing of Axis Bold As Love by the Jimi Hendrix Experience or he’s wearing my skin like bathrobe.”
Tip #4 — Leave a Note In Your Own Home
If friends and family report you missing, the first place the cops search is your house. Leave a note, plain as day, right on the TV telling the police all about Barry and the Craigslist ad. Maybe even leave the actual listing up on your computer. Close out all the porn windows too.
Tip #5 — Consider Carrying a Concealed Weapon
Not a gun. Again, not a gun. Maybe just a small utility knife or a tee-ball bat in your car. Now, the important part is not show you’re carrying a weapon. A Craigslist poster is probably just as anxious as you about a strange dude walking into his house. For all we know, you could be the freak. If that’s the case, please ignore all the advice in this article. I don’t want you getting better at this side job.
Tip #6 — Don’t Answer a Craigslist Ad Involving Sex
If you’re looking for cheap anything, just take an entire Saturday afternoon and hit up as many flea markets, garage sales and estate sales in your area as possible. You’re sure to find everything you need, and more, and you’ll survive.
Tip #7 — If The Offer Is Too Good To Be True, It’s Probably Too Good To Be True
Is Craigslist really the first place to list an incredibly rare or awesome collector’s item? Probably not. Is it the spot to run an ad offering sex to a random stranger in the back of a car for money? Not unless you’re a killer. If it’s too good to believe, it’s too good to believe.