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7 signs the woman in your life is certifiably crazy

By / 03.27.11

Your Woman is Crazy

Alberto.., <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/albertoalerigi/8179318454/sizes/z/in/photostream/" target="_blank">Flickr</a>



Ask any guy about the history of his dating life, and he’ll have at least one story about that one batshit nuts girl that they spent some time with. It’s easy to get sucked into a fling with a crazy girl — some guys will be fooled by good looks, others may even be attracted to the craziness. But if experience tells us anything, it’s not a wise move to stick with a crazy chick for very long. Scars, both emotional and physical, are a very real risk when dealing with crazies. If you’re confused as to what to look for in order to spot a crazy girl, read on. And beware.

Photo credit: Alberto.., Flickr

7 She constantly talks about changing her appearance to look like a character
Ok, maybe there’s nothing wrong with aspiring to look like a celeb. But when you meet a girl that can’t stop talking about how much she wants to look like Angelina Jolie in “Mr. and Mrs. Smith”, it might be time to ask a few questions. For example: why is she so obsessed with looking like a fictitious character? Is she practicing becoming a trained killer as well? People like this have a very loose grip on reality. You’re better off leaving this one before you become a casualty of the movie in her mind.

6 She quotes things from your profile before you become Facebook friends
Social media can be a wonderful thing. It also adds a valuable new tool to any and all potential stalkers out there. If your new girl comments on how she saw you wearing that shirt in a profile picture from a few months back, pay heed. If she’s put this much effort into stalking you this early on, and doesn’t seem to see anything wrong with it, think about what it would be like being in a long term relationship with her. You don’t want to have to explain pictures you took during freshman year to a fuming girlfriend.

5 Demanding a specific kind of food at odd hours
We get it, people get hungry all the time. But there’s no reason to have a near blood lust for steak at 11 in the morning and throwing a tantrum when it isn’t fulfilled. There just isn’t. Such a voracious appetite may seem appealing at first; but again, take a look at the long run. Also it would probably help to picture her standing over a dead animal carcass with blood dripping from her mouth. You should run pretty soon. Hey, better some animal than you.

4 She cites “amateur gunslinger” as one of her hobbies
Seriously dude, this one is a no brainer. Yes, ladies with guns can be sexy. You know what else is sexy? Not being afraid of getting shot by a pissed off girlfriend. If she occasionally goes to the range and pops off a few rounds this is a scary thing. This isn’t a videogame, dating a borderline sociopath packing heat wherever she goes is pretty high on the list of “Stupid Decisions that Will Get Me Killed”.

3 She blacks out uncontrollably every time she drinks
We’ve all blacked out once or seventeen times in our lives, it’s as natural as the phases of the moon. But if your girl can’t open up a bottle of Zima without getting all wastey face then you may have a problem. One second everyone’s having a great time slugging down a few by the bar, the next your girlfriend is doing a striptease to “Kiss Me” and it’s only 9:30. The worst part is if you try to say something, she’ll violently insist that she’s not drunk, and prove it by slugging down a few more Jager Bombs. Good luck with all that.

2 She knows how to speak a made up language
Nerds, you may have some qualms with this item on the list, but for everyone else this is pretty straight forward. Put it this way, long after you go to bed, she’s studying how to conjugate Elvish verbs. If your girl can tell you that you’re being a really terrible boyfriend in the language of the Na’vi, then your only real option here is to learn how to say hit the road–and promptly put your newfound skill to use.

1 Gets into physical fights with everyone around her — including you
There is nothing, NOTHING, crazier than a girl who can just snap and try to deck you in the face Mayweather style. If you’ve ever walked into the office with a black eye and used the old “I walked into a door” excuse, please go find help. In fact we’re sending someone to your house right now. Close this window and erase your history immediately. Hang in there buddy, we’re coming for you.


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About Zack Barangan... Zack Barangan is a freelance lifestyle and humor writer based in New York City. He also writes for sites like Brash and Eldergadget. During his free time, Zack likes to recreate training montages from kung fu movies in his room.

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