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6 items all guys should retire after college

By / 03.03.12

Tom in NYC, Flickr


Since we crank out so many stories each week some really good ones get lost in the cracks. And since so many new people visit Guyism every day (thank you), we thought we’d take some time on the weekends and holidays to share a few classics that many of our newer readers may have missed.

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If we could, we would stay in college forever. Just watch any Todd Phillips movie for proof. Unfortunately, we just can’t do that. It’s a part of life. It’s a part of growing up. It’s a part of maturity. And as we mature, it’s time to say goodbye to some of those things we hold near and dear to us. Here’s a list of just a few of those many things that we must part ways with in post college life.

6 Skateboards
These babies are useful whenever you overslept and had to jet from your dorm room to the other side of campus in a matter of minutes. But once you got that degree, you should’ve graduated to big boy toys as well. Unless you’re somehow one of the select few making a living doing it, it’s time to put that skateboard deep in your closet and let it collect dust with your Legos until you have kids who are old enough to start riding it.


PhotoCredit: TomenoNaoki, Flickr

5 Dane Cook CDs
When you’re intoxicated, loud noises and over-emphasized anecdotes always seem funny. So, you’ve might’ve been tricked into finding Dane Cook amusing. But, ask the sober dude next door how he feels about it. Dane Cook isn’t funny. And something about graduating college/not being wasted every other night makes us realize this. Once you graduate, it’s probably best to put these bad boys up for sale on eBay. Maybe you’ll get lucky and one of the seven people who went to go see Good Luck Chuck will scoop them up.


PhotoCredit: IvanTortuga, Flickr

4 Scotch-taped Posters
Listen, we all love a Ferrari and we all love the sexy girls who try to sell us beer. But there comes a time in every man’s life where he should attempt to class himself up. A quick trip to the framing store isn’t all that costly, and it’ll help make your place seem a lot less sketchy and immature. If you really want to continue to have naked girls on your wall, check out body landscape shots. Get one of those puppies framed and you’re not a pervert…you’re artsy.


PhotoCredit: Vectorportal, Flickr

3 Picture Collage
The “picture college” really needs to go right after your freshman year. They’re all the photos of all of the people from high school that you were supposed to be best friends forever with… Until you completely forgot about them the next year. If a picture collage is still your thing by the time you’re actually done with college, you might have some issues with letting go of the past. A&E has reality shows dedicated to people like you. If you really must hang onto them, put them in a box in the closet. Right next to your skateboard and your sexuality.


PhotoCredit: Lizard10979, Flickr

2 Mini-Fridge
Anything “mini” needs to go. After the dorms, you should graduate to a place that will allow enough space for full-sized things. That mini fridge was ridiculous anyway. Once you put your giant plastic bottle of vodka and a microwaveable dinner in there, there wasn’t any room for anything else. Granted that was really all you needed back then, but by now you should’ve moved on to more expensive booze and foods that don’t list “methylcellulose” as an ingredient.


Photo Credit: Jimmy Coupe, Flickr

1 That Empty Bottle of Jager on Your Mantel
During college, it was cool to line up all the bottles of booze you’ve suckled your way through throughout the semester up on your mantel. That little green bottle sure did bring some serious color to your collection of empty Keystone Light cans. After college though, it just makes you look like an alcoholic… and a hoarder (Once again, A&E is hiring). Drinking is still socially acceptable, but saving the evidence of your binge and toting it as a trophy just isn’t. If you must, you can hang onto the beer bong. It can prove to be useful while tailgating. Just don’t hang it on your wall for the world to see.


PhotoCredit: Tolomea, Flickr


TAGSAdviceArbitrary RankingsBottle of JagerCollege habitsDane Cook CDsfeaturedGrowing upitems guys should retire after collegeListsMini-FridgePicture CollagePost college lifeScotch-taped PostersSkateboards
About Max Steven Miller... Max Steven Miller is a graduate of UC Berkeley and the insane mind behind RuinedMyWeek.com. He is a contributing writer to Guyism.com, as well as a variety of other popular websites. He may or may not be one of Arnold Shwarzenegger's illegitimate children and can often be found spending most of his free time in Rachel Bilson's dreams.

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