You can judge a lot about a person based on their choice of intoxicant, and that’s exactly what I did. Here’s what 15 of your favorite vodka brands say about you. I did my best to be kind, as I know you’re all sensitive.
1. McCormick
You’re in a college bar.
2. Kamchatka
You’re at a frat party.
3. Smirnoff
You’re too good for bad vodka but too broke for good vodka.
4. Skyy
You’re a sucker for blue bottles.
5. Finlandia
You have no idea what you’re doing.
6. Ketel One
You love vodka but hate hangovers.
7. Grey Goose
You’re in a nightclub.
8. Jazz
You’re an idiot.
9. Zoladkowa de Luxe
You’re in Poland.
10. Pyat Ozer
You’re in Siberia.
11. Kalashnikov
You play too much Call of Duty.
12. Svedka
You’re seriously considering getting a sex robot.
13. Absolut Elyx
You’re obsessed with rye bread.
14. Purity
You drink vodka straight up.
15. Stoli Elit
You’re my new best friend.