New research has proven that drunk people are better at life than their sober counterparts. This is yet another example of why science is awesome and can be used to justify my drinking habits.
Friedman analyzed all 190,612 patients treated at Illinois’ trauma centers between 1995 and 2009 who were tested for blood-alcohol content, with levels ranging from zero to 0.5 percent at time of admission. (Blood-alcohol levels above about 0.35 percent can be fatal.) He found that with the exception of burn injuries, the mortality rates of all types of traumatic injury decreased as the blood-alcohol content of victims rose.
At the upper bounds of intoxication, mortality rates were cut by nearly 50 percent, said Friedman. The effect, however, was not equally strong for all types of trauma, with victims of penetrating injuries, such as gunshot and stab wounds, seeming to show the greatest benefit from alcohol.
Drinking may be the cause of the accidents, but who knew it also helped you out after the fact? Sure, it would be better to not fall off of that balcony in the first place, but look, that happens to everyone. And people get shot everyday. It’s just a matter of time until I’m on the recieving end of a bullet from some angry PBR lover. I want to maximize my survivability, so I may just have to stay drunk from here on out. It’s really the only safe and responsible thing to do.
Drunks More Likely to Survive Injuries, Study Suggests [LifeScience]
I want more like this!
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