If you’ve ever had a Red Bull & Vodka, you know that from then on out all Red Bull tastes like the cocktail. And let’s be honest, it’s not that good. That’s probably why the brand is introducing cranberry, lime, and blueberry versions.
I went to the website to explore these new options, dubbed “Red Bull Editions,” but it looks like their marketing team has fallen behind. Sure, they have a FAQ section, even though nobody has known about the product to ask particular questions often. The problem is that the questions have no answers. I may have only gone to ITT Tech Christian Academy, but I still know that isn’t very useful. To help everyone out, I’ve decided to answer all of these lingering questions myself.
What are Red Bull Editions?
The same wing-inducing energy drink you love, with new flavors that you hate.
What’s the difference between the Red Bull® Energy Drink and the Red Bull Editions?
The Red Bull editions don’t just taste like vodka…yet
Why did Red Bull choose these flavors?
Blueberry drinks are trendy, lime for the alcoholics, and cranberry for the ladies having extreme cleanliness issues.
Where can I buy the Red Bull Editions?
Everywhere from your local bodega to Costco. Trust me; all of them will want this more than a crackwhore wants rocks. Amazon and eBay, too.
What are the unit sizes of Red Bull Editions?
That’s a personal question, but about eight ounces.
What is the target group of Red Bull Editions?
High school kids, bars willing to pay for actual Red Bull instead of whatever comes on the gun, and adults who feel like degenerates taking 5-Hour Energy shots in public.
How much do the Red Bull Editions cost?
We’re waiting to see the reaction on Twitter first, which is why we didn’t fill out these FAQ yet.
What’s the shelf life of the Red Bull Editions?
Forever. The chemicals used to create these extreme new flavors last forever. They are pretty much the Twinkies of the beverage industry.
Has Red Bull developed these products?
Apple owns the patent. That’s all I can say, legally.
Will there be more Red Bull Editions in the future?
Yes. Just like Smirnoff started by only adding citrus, and then exploded into 23+ flavors, so shall Red Bull.
I want more like this!
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