We all know that throwing up on your host’s hand-stitched Persian rug, peeing off the back deck onto unsuspecting guests below or drinking until you everyone knows your life story are Party Foul 101 material, but let’s go just a little deeper. Here are some of the worst party fouls you might not have thought about.
8. Screwing With People’s Pets
Just because it would be theoretically awesome to share in your “high” jinx with the host’s dog doesn’t mean it’s okay to blow a puff of salvia in Pedro the Pomeranian’s face and then watch as he captures an unfortunate squirrel and makes it his love slave.
7. Not Offering Food
Back in college, the only thing people at a party wanted to eat was beer. But if you’re 25 or older, it’s almost criminal to throw one without offering decent snacks. Psst…I hear Goldfish and Swedish fish are pretty well regarded by drunk people. Anything fish-related that’s not actually fish, really.
6. Being Tied to Your Phone
You have your whole life to live to the fullest while glued to your phone. If you’re at a social gathering and you’ve got the means to stay, shall we say, well lubricated, there’s no excuse for incessant tagging, liking, posting and checking in.
5. Making Everyone Listen to Your Shitty Music
It doesn’t matter what kind of music you play, everyone is going to think it’s some degree of shitty because it isn’t coming from their own device or playlist. Still, if you’re not at least throwing your guests a bone by queuing up something they’ll enjoy here and there, you’re not doing your duty as a good host.
4. Stopping Someone Else’s Shitty Music
What can I say; music is a touchy subject. One man’s death metal is another man’s death. Still, stopping the playlist mid-song to play your own shit isn’t cool no matter how bad the music is. Consult the host, and ask when you might be able to inject some of your own refined flavor into the sonic ambiance of the evening. Only then, can you change things up from death metal to power metal.
3. All Couples
Have you ever rolled up to a party where it seems like the only people there are doe-eyed lovers? If you’re all coupled up, that’s probably fine with you. But if you’re not, the host has committed a most grievous party foul, and all is lost…unless of course there’s another party with people every bit as single as you are.
2. Bringing the Wrong Type of Booze
Ever heard of bringing a gun to a knife fight? Well that’s just as dangerous as bringing a bottle of wine to a beer party. You done fucked up, man. Go back out to the gas station, grab a few of their finest beverages of the 40 ounce varietal, and return as a respectable party guest.
1. Being Depressing
Parties are not an event for people to get together and tell sad stories. Can’t you just do that one-on-one with a friend? No? First step; get some friends.
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