Are you heading to a music festival or other outdoor event this summer? Do you like to stay safe, happy and (comparatively) comfortable, as opposed to beaten, bruised, dehydrated and germ-ridden? If so, you’ll want to check out some of these hacks to make your time rocking out as fun, awesome, and disease-and-worry-free as possible.
8 For Your Throat
Water is expensive and sometimes hard to find at musical festivals. Make sure to pack a few cough drops which will coat your throat, providing some relief from the cotton mouth you got from screaming like a teenage girl.
7 For Your Ass
You never know exactly what type of biohazard you’ll be walking into when you enter a port-a-potty. Better pack a few (dozen) sheets of your own toilet paper just in case.
6 For Your Hydration
Don’t you hate it when they take away your water bottle cap? Pack your own to put on so you can store it in your pocket while you’re doing festival things like slam-dancing, taking drugs or puking up the drugs you just took.
5 For Your Ears
Use ear plugs during the bands or performances you don’t care about, so you can save your hearing for the artists you do. Ear plugs can be purchased at most events for about a 1,000% markup, so maybe just bring some instead. If you forgot them or don’t have any though, in-ear headphones are a great substitute.
4 For Your Hands/Mouth/Health/Life
No matter whether it’s dirty hippies or sloshed frat boys, or whether you’re at Warped Tour or Bonnaroo, you’re going to be picking up some nasty microorganisms. Bring a small container of hand sanitizer and stay infection-free.
3 For Your Genitals
Sometimes music festivals require a sexual experience. Plus, you know there’ll be plenty of band sluts who couldn’t get backstage and are still looking for validation. Bring a condom.
2 For Your Patience/Free Time
I don’t care how tired you are, jog to your car when the headliner finishes to avoid the mass exodus after the show. This will save upwards of an hour of sitting in a parking lot or field honking at idiots – and only for a few minutes of discomfort.
1 For Your Concert Experience
If you want to get to the front of the crowd for a close up view of your favorite musician’s crotch, but you don’t feel like holding your place all day or it’s too packed then try this: work your way in from the side near the front, not the middle toward the front. Be firm but polite in your movement – just as if you were having sex for the first time.
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