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7 apologies men sometimes have to make to their ladies

By / 04.12.12
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Throughout life, we as men have a certain disconnect with women, their lifestyle and things they find important. This can lead to disastrous outcomes as we plow through these delicate situations like savages. So when you make a mistake, be a man and apologize. The following examples should get you started. What do you find yourself apologizing for the most?

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The Apology:
I'm sorry, baby! She was wearing that crazy skirt with the swirls and her hips were going back and forth. I was literally hypnotized! It's not my fault!



What You Really Mean:
Like almost all men, I am very visual and as such, I follow females with my eyes in a way that is derived from my biological make-up and primal needs. So there.



The Outcome:
You get slapped so hard you can't see straight for a week. She now has the upper hand, so to speak.

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The Apology:
Honey, why did you ask me if I could tell you'd gained weight if you didn't want me to give you an honest answer!?



What You Really Mean:
You think I care if you gained a little weight? Your boobs and butt are bigger and (by the laws of "dem titties" and "dat ass"), therefore better.



The Outcome:
Nothing changes with her goals for weight loss. But next time you're called upon for honest answers in the future, you're gonna think twice. That's for damn sure.

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The Apology:
What can I do to make it up to you, sugar plum? I like your friends; I'm not sure what happened!



What You Really Mean:
So, which one am I supposed to be besties with, then? The flaky spacey one who's disconnected from reality? The insecure, haughty one who's always a misinterpreted comment away from throwing fists and crying? Or the one that actively dislikes me and mentions your ex every chance she gets?



The Outcome:
It's me or them. What? Oh, okay...goodbye.

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The Apology:
Roses? Aw cupcake, I thought you liked tulips! I'm so sorry, I'll hit up the florist again first things in the morning.



What You Really Mean:
So...different types of flowers aren't interchangeable?



The Outcome:
You learn an important lesson. Because although women don't mind that flowers are the only present besides pets that can die, they do have a preference.

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The Apology:
Sorry babe, I just sort of threw on that jump suit and didn't think about it after that. Let me change into that outfit you like me in.



What You Really Mean:
Ahhhhh, man! I was hoping you wouldn't notice. Now I have to take off this wearable cloud and put on a turtleneck that's going to make me feel like I'm being double-hand choked by a small child all night.



The Outcome:
You look pretty good. You should thank her.

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I know we're here so you can look hot when we go out together, I'm sorry I didn't keep that at the forefront of my mind, sweetie pie.



What You Really Mean:
I'm sorry I only lasted 12 minutes and then bolted for the nearest arcade, so I wouldn't end my life out of boredom. I mean c'mon, I came back when you started looking at those thongs, didn't I?



The Outcome:
She wears outfits exclusively from the "Amish Temptress" fashion line as punishment.

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The Apology:
I'm sorry I pressured you into this sweet pea, I'll take the blame.



What You Really Mean:
Eh, there wasn't enough leverage in there anyway.



The Outcome:
$1,900 in legal fees later you're free and clear, of both jail time and a girlfriend.

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