Black Friday is one of the few days when I'm terrified to leave my house. Usually I just wait until much later in the day to do so. And it's all because of videos like this. Here's a YouTube of seemingly normal, run-of-the-mill soccer moms losing their sh*t and clawing and fighting each other over $2 Waffle Makers at a Wal-Mart believed to be near a Little Rock, Arkansas. The sheer consumer barbarism is like a scene from a f-up Stanley Kubrick movie. How no one emerged from this primitive stampede uninjured is baffling.

The sad thing is that those waffle makers are probably going to be a gift to a distant relative that uses it just one or two times (probably on December 27th and 29th) before realizing that going out for 10 dollar brunch on a Saturday morning is a whole hell of a lot more appealing. First of all, cleaning that SOB is a pain in the ass. Batter gets in cracks you didn't think even existed on a consumer appliance and stays there for months growing all sorts of yummy bacteria. Secondly -- at least with every waffle maker I've ever tried to use -- usually it just churns out some imperfect Belgian dough monstrosity rather than anything that vaguely resembles a waffle. Screw that. Dumbest and most diabetes-inducing gift ever. But, hey, just another Black Friday of shopping for awesome deals in America! What a country!

Hat Tip: Mashable