Kirk Cameron starred for years on the seminal late 80s/early 90s show "Growing Pains," and in the years since he's found a weird career as the Tom Cruise of the country's evangelical Christian movement. This unearthed gem is the warning shot for the "Left Behind" and "Proving the existence of God with a banana" videos that would come.

There's so, so much to laugh at in this early 90s abstinence PSA featuring Cameron and his wife Chelsea Noble. FilmDrunk did a superb job thoroughly listing out the highlights, but I feel the need to throw in my top three favorite people here:

3. 3:25: This guy.

2. 2:45: This woman in an Eagles hat who informs us that getting AIDS is okay as long as you get to die together with your man. It's like Romeo and Juliet! 

1. 1:50: This poor kid who gets a long, long, long—so uncomfortably long—close-up. It just never stops!

In summary, don't have sex or you'll catch on fire and die.

[H/T: FilmDrunk]