See the kid exhibiting almost zero human behavioral traits? Yeah, according to our tipsters, he just packed an entire tin of Skoal mint pouches for his maiden dipping voyage. His Gettsyburg College buddies put up with his over-the-top groaning for a good 45 seconds before asking him just what the f*ck is going on.
Not exactly the high point of this kid’s life, but I have a little sympathy.
My first time riding the dipping dragon came during a summer baseball game. An immediate and unavoidable calm came over me. I felt like I’d downed six shots in six seconds. It was awesome, until I realized I had to play second base. Sure enough, the first batter hit a rocket to my right that I was somehow able to dive and catch. Pretty goddamn impressive considering I couldn’t see it.
There was only one problem. The impact caused me to swallow what I was working on and I yakked all over shallow center field. Teammates initially feared I was bleeding internally and rushed to my assistance. Their concern turned to ridicule that I was, in fact, just a moron.
So, yeah, it could be worse.