Golf clap to this 350-pound Wisconsin man. During an All-You-Can-Eat fish fry, Bill's favorite local restaurant cut him off after scarfing down 12 pieces of fried fish. 12! So now he's picketing the and screaming "false advertising!" with a cardboard sign that looks like something a meth head would make to beg for food scraps under a highway overpass. Best of all, he mentions he has a running tab at the restaurant, which makes his protest even more ballsy. Bill is a Hero to the People like that. He's standing up for the common American Dream of morbid obesity by devouring so much damn fried fish that your body goes into diabetic shock, causing the digestive system eventually explodes like a firework on the Fourth of July. If you don't believe that is the true definition of "All-You-Can-Eat," GTFO and move to Canada. U-S-A! U-S-A!

Thank you, Bill, for your sacrifice at an injust All-You-Can-Eat Buffet. May we someday live in a nation where universal health care is a right, the BCS goes the way of the buffalo, the unemployment rate dips below 5%, and All-You-Can-Eat means All-You-Can-Eat.

In the meantime, I'm so happy this clip from a classic Simpsons episode is on Hulu right now. "'Tis No Man. 'Tis a remorsely eating machine!'