Being shot down is hard to swallow. I get that. But this lawyer is pathetic. How do I know that? Well, his texts affirm it, but also because the D-bagosaurus Rex showed up for his date with this chick wearing a fedora (according to Gawker). From wear I'm sitting -- perched high atop Judgmental Mountain -- that move is punishable by death. And let's remove any doubt here, that burn-text wasn't accidental or ever intended for his friend. It was far too elaborate and no guy is ever that forthright when telling their Bros they got rejected. That text goes something like this, "Date sucked, chick looked like hammered sh*t. Not as hot as I remember. Still might try to bang her when I'm drunk, but nothing more. Haha I'm such a legend."