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You’ll Never Guess The Dumbest Reason Why This Boy Kidnapped Himself

By / 06.23.14

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This kid is 12. You know what sucks about being 12? Nothing. Whatever homework you’re getting in school takes 15 minutes to finish at the most, your “chores” are pussy tasks like cleaning your room or washing dishes, and your parents are still obligated to clothe and feed you regardless of how big of a shit-stain you are on their lives. But this kid has it worse than that. You know why? Because his parents decided they didn’t want a toothless hobo for a kid and attempted to send him to the dentist.

“A 12-year-old French boy was reportedly so determined not to go to the dentist that he faked his own kidnapping, leading to a one-month investigation by cops. The dental-drama began late May after he was found by police hiding in Alpine village St. Gervais on May 21…When the boy was questioned by officers, he allegedly claimed that he had just escaped an abduction attempt from nearby town Bagnols.”

To be fair, the dentist sucks. You sit there and lie about how many times a week you floss and then you get a goodie-bag from hell filled with toothpaste and other shit that no kid wants to play with. The only flaw in his plan was when he described his kidnapper as the most pathetically stereotypical “bad guy.”

“He described the man as European-looking in his 30s, with a muscular build, standing 5-feet-7-inches tall, and with a vertical scar on his right cheek.”

Via NY Daily News

So he was either kidnapped by Scar from The Lion King or a pirate. For some reason he left out whether his attacker was a lion or not, so we’ll have to go with pirate for now. It wasn’t until he was questioned a second time that the kid confessed he made everything up, at which point the officers were reportedly like “Um duh.” Nice one kid, next time grow a pair and just get your teeth cleaned like everyone else.


TAGSdentistdumb crimefake kidnappingKidnapping
Rebecca Martinson
About Rebecca Martinson... Rebecca Martinson is a recent graduate from the University of Maryland who is notoriously known throughout the Internet for being really, really adequate at writing emails. She joined BroBible right after graduating in the Spring of 2014 and doesn't hate it...yet.

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