Life
by Andy Moore on November 30, 2012

Since we're guys here who wear clothes on a daily basis, we thought we'd help out Ms. Ono with our take on how wearable each item is. Unfortunately we couldn't get BroBible to shell out the necessary few thousand dollars to purchase the line, so we're going mainly on assumptions here. For our ratings, five Ringos indicates maximum wearability, while one Ringo is nearly impossible wearability.

“Mesh Cutout Shirt,” $145

A mesh shirt with holes cut out of the shoulders. Comes in pink and black, and covers nothing. Unable to be worn by people who are not members of the 90s British band Right Said Fred.

How many Ringos?

“Eyelet Shirt,” $200

A black shirt that would be unremarkable if not for the white plastic nipples that go over the wearer's real nipples. Worn by vaguely sad looking male models. Unable to be worn near electricity fields.

How many Ringos?

“Hand Trousers,” $335

A pair of black pants with a handprint sewn into the crotch area. The hand is white and the thinking is Ono designed this piece because she liked to… Well, you can see where this is going. Unable to be worn outside of openings for conceptual art shows.

How many Ringos?

“Conservative Pants,” $255

Conservative Pants that neither fit the definition of “conservative,” nor “pants.” Have holes which expose the inner leg, and are tastefully accentuated with a purple handprint on the rear area. Unable to be worn inside restaurants that serve hot soup.

How many Ringos?

 

“Cutout Trousers,” $250

Pants that have a massive hole cut out in the ass area. Unable to be worn outside, in general.

How many Ringos?

“Printed Stop and Go Knee Pads,” $55

Knee pads that have a right pad which reads “Stop,” and a left pad that reads “Go.” Unable to be worn by anyone who isn't a gay skateboarder.

How many Ringos?

“Butt Hoodie,” $75

A hoodie with a cruel drawing of a butt on it. Can be paired with Hand Trousers. Affordable, but…

Wait a minute! Stop everything! This sounds familiar!

Yes! This is what happened in the classic Johnny Bravo episode “Pop Art Johnny.” Bravo visits an art museum, accidently prints his butt on a canvas, and becomes an art sensation. He begins printing his butt on thousands of canvases and sells a ton before he's forgotten about. It's a brilliant episode, but that's beside the point. The point is that Yoko Ono is the Johnny Bravo of the art world.

How many Ringos?

“Bell Board,” $400

Yeah, I don't know.

How many Ringos?