As a smug elitist proudly from above the Mason-Dixion Line, I love it when Southerners try to tell me why the South is so damn great. I just fire back with stories of inbred, white trash behavior that almost seems like it was made up by The Onion. I.E.:
Southerner: “The South is so much better than the North!”
Me: “Oh, you mean that place where a mother left her kids in a car while she was giving head to some dude in a Wal-Mart parking lot?”
Southern: “Derp derp, barbecue, sweet tea, Robert E. Lee, guns, crystal meth, SEC football, frats, nepotism, institutional racism-thinly-veiled-as-tradition, truck stop trixies, War of Northern Aggression, derp derp.”
Me: “Only two of those things are cool, man.”
Southern: “The South will rise again!”
The latest WTF tale to fall on our radar from Dixieland comes from the great state of Louisiana and, appropriately, involves a lady who’s legal name is “Princess.” via The Daily News:
Princess Marks, 25, of Lake Charles, left her two young children, ages 5 and 7, in an SUV so she could perform oral sex on her boyfriend about 12:40 a.m. Friday, authorities said.
“Both of them were crying hysterically,” Officer Kim Myers the Calcasieu Parish Sheriff’s Office told the Daily News. “While the deputies were trying to calm the children down, Princess walked up about 15 minutes later.”
At that point, she admitted she was on the other side of the parking lot in her boyfriend’s car performing oral sex, authorities said.
Marks was arrested, charged with child desertion and released on a $5,000 bond.
Deputies from Calcasieu Parish Sheriff’s Office learned of the incident when a concerned citizen walked by the car and called the police. The SUV’s windows were down.
The children were placed in the care of family members.
Maybe get a babysitter next time you have a hot date in the Wal-Mart parking lot, Princess?
I want more like this!
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