An elderly women accused of leaving the scene of a hit-and-run is blaming her actions on a problem we are all used to: Really needing to take a shit. Per the New York Daily News:
Persis Draper, 92, faces charges of fleeing the scene, failure to yield to a pedestrian in a crosswalk and failure to control speed from the Saturday crash that left Dori Stolmaker bruised, battered and with stitches in her elbow.
“The diarrhea started up again after the accident happened. I was going to stop, but then the diarrhea came and I didn’t stop,” Draper, of Oro Valley, told the Arizona Daily Star.
The harried nonagenarian sought relief at a nearby grocery store, where she used the restroom and then picked up dinner rolls for a potluck she planned to attend at her church.
She then went back to the scene, but no one was around. I love that. That’s such an old lady thing. “Well, I’m not going to go to the store twice. And I was already there.”
After dropping the rolls off at the church, but skipping the potluck, she went home and took a sleeping pill, awaking to the sound of police at her door.
Luckily, Stolmaker is expected to be fine. But Draper did apologize. Ish.
It is unfortunate, it’s upsetting and I’m distraught. I can’t do anything about going back and it was not a hit-and-run. I just had no choice because I’d had diarrhea,” she said.
I say, let he who is without shit cast the first stone.
[Person on Toilet via Shutterstock]