Guy Dressed As Wolverine For Halloween Accidentally Slices Off His Own Dick

Gather round, true believers! Because you’re never going to believe this shit.

A man dressed as Wolverine for Halloween (not the guy above, a different idiot), complete with knives strapped to his hands because that’s fucking safe, accidentally chopped off his own dick WHILE TRYING TO SCRATCH HIS ASS. For a superhero, he’s got awful aim. 

“I’ve been suffering with worms these last few days. They’ve been driving me crazy. I had some Ovex before I came out but as I was dancing to Thriller in Brenda’s living room, I totally forgot about my retractable claws. As soon as my arse started twitching, I did what any normal human would do and that was to put my hands down my pants to scratch it. Sadly, I forgot that I had a penis and I sliced it right off.”

Wolverine’s dick was saved by quick thinking and some frozen veggies.

“Luckily, we’d just come back from Kwik Save with some frozen sprouts so we phoned for an ambulance and put his willy in with the sprouts. They said that they’d try and sew his willy back on which is good news.”

A story I wouldn’t even believe in the comics.

H/T Wales On Craic

Chris Illuminati avatar
Chris Illuminati is a 5-time published author and recovering a**hole who writes about running, parenting, and professional wrestling.