Over the past few years, with the widespread use of cellular devices, texting and driving has received a ton of bad press. But whose fault is it really? Technology has literally made it so that everyone is accessible at any time, from any place. That, paired with the compulsive nature of humans has made it almost impossible to avoid texting and driving. You’re on the highway, cruising along and all of a sudden that one chick you’ve been trying to slay texts, “Hey, what r u up to?? ;)” Chances are you’re not going to let a little driving get in the way of communicating with some potential sweet snatch, especially if it’s a long drive and you’re aware that a ;) means she wants to bang. So of course you’re going to text back and most of the time, nothing bad will happen while you do it.
I’d like to think I’m a great texter and driver, with a flawless technique. I put the phone in my driving line of site, so I can assess the road while also accurately typing. I go 2 letters, watch the road, 2 letters and watch the road; until the text is complete. I feel sort of safe doing it (and I say sort of because you never know what can happen on the road) because I am in control of the multi-tasking and with my crippling ADD I would like to believe that I am a pro multi-tasker and have been since the tender age of 7. It is a dangerous game, but it’s almost like I can’t help myself, PEOPLE NEED TO KNOW MY ANSWER TO THEIR QUESTION VIA TEXT RIGHT THEN AND THERE! Which is really a terrifying compulsion that most people in our generation cannot escape (I’m assuming that most people reading this are millennials born between 1984-1995). We are a generation of instant information and gratification. We need to know stuff and tell people stuff, and we need to do it NOW. The fact that technology has reached the point where that is possible, nothing is going to get in the way of that sense of urgency. Even in the case of driving, where lives are very much at risk.
Now I’m not advocating texting and driving and I’m certainly not telling you not to do it under any circumstances (I’ll let Johnny law handle that); I just think that as long as we have the power to do it, nothing is going to stop us from doing it. We’ve all seen the don’t text and drive commercials but we’ve also seen the anti-drug commercials and neither of them have REALLY stopped us from partaking in either of those activities. Do what you will at your own discretion, just don’t be one of those assholes that puts their phone on their lap, writes a complete text while looking down and then goes back to driving because that asshole is the reason for those commercials and the reason I’m writing this article.
Aristotle is a Florida based comedian who wrote this entire article while he was driving. You can follow him on Twitter @sToTle.