Apple picking. Pumpkin spice lattes. "Sweater weather." Barf. The fall is awesome and everything, but girls -- especially girls in their 20s -- are freakin' obsessed with it for some reason. I think it's because hayrides and pumpkin carving give them something "meaningful" to talk about over brunch. Plus, girls love having new selfie backgrounds, especially when they're able to dress their man-squeeze in a flannel and take him to a fallow field to make it look like he's rugged. Who are you kidding, Bro? You live in a $1600-a-month apartment in Murray Hill. You're literally the furthest thing possible from a Swamp Logger.