Life
by woveneric on May 30, 2013

To be fair, there are some guys that look outrageously sexy with a little stubble but a full beard is hardly ever considered attractive. The only time its permissible is during no-shave November but for the other eleven months of the year I highly recommend you stay groomed. Even the product development team at Brawny paper towels made the marketing move to remove their signature mustached Brawny man and replace him with a cleanly shaved guy.

I know many of you are sitting there with beards and thinking that you look good but the harsh reality is that your face looks like an unkempt vagina. Granted, my opinion is not the only one that matters. (This is extremely difficult for me to admit because as a woman I’m biologically programmed to believe that I’m always right). So to support my theory and hush my haters, I asked a bunch of females to share their opinions and preferences on men’s facial hair. Check out their responses:

• “Stubble is a turn on but when we make out it irritates my face. It’s super scratchy and makes my chin turn red. Imagine if a guy went down on your with that? Ouch.”

• “My boyfriend let his Movember mustache trickle into December and then in January he had a beard. We got in a fight about it and it only ended because I stopped shaving and said I wouldn’t touch a razor until he did. He shaved by February 1st.”

• “I’m cool with some facial hair. It’s kind of hot. Beards are just weird though and a mustache is bizarre. It reminds me of my dad in the 80’s.”

• “Scruff is sexy but a beard is not. There’s a fine line between beastly and I want to sleep with you.”

• “Goatees, handlebars or chops make me think of pedophiles.”

• “Guys who normally have scruff look like they’re 12-years-old when they shave so it’s important to stay consistent.”

• “If a guy has facial hair he better be at least an 8/10. Actually a 9/10.”

• “I’m not really into it. I prefer a smooth face. Scruff does not feel good on my boobs.”

Trust us, your razor is your friend. Maybe you don’t have a girl in your life and the whole beard thing is saving you the hassle and extra time in the morning. Fine. Look like Zach Galifianakis Monday through Thursday. Just follow the rule of Fresh Fridays and make sure you prep accordingly for the weekend by shaving. If not, prepare to spend late nights at home with your right hand. And please, save me the sob stories about how it’s a lengthy process. I’m 5’7” with really long legs and there are TWO of them. You bros have it easy.

Xo,
McKenzie

[Beard image via ShutterStock]