Life
by Fitz E Fresh on August 15, 2012

Q: I think I speak for all Bros everywhere when I say that we all want a chick to answer this: what’s the perfect penis size? What’s too small and too big?

 

A: I wish I could give you an exact measurement, but I accidentally left my ruler at home EVERY time I’ve had sex. Silly, me.

I could probably provide a visual if this were some sort of webinar, but it would be wasting my time; because the only two true criteria to meet are powerful, and give me orgasms. Well, and not tiny. (Too big would be the ones you see in sex shops that you can only say, “gross” to.)

Q: So I'm going to be a sophomore in high school (I may be young but whatever). Well the problem is, I’m not hitting it off with many girls. I wrestled varsity this year (biggest sport in our school) and am not bad looking. I’m friends with lots of girls and am smart. The problem is they just don’t see me as the kid who they should invite to the party. What’s going on?

A: The answer, young bro, is in the question—you describe yourself as, “not bad looking”, and therefore lack the confidence to actually get with a girl, regardless of your appearance.

When it comes down to it, if a dude’s got the confidence to win a girl over, he’s got the power to do so too. When I really think about it, my average looking guy friends with great self-assurance actually get more ass than those who are super zero personality.

Oh, and stop being the token guy friend.

Q: So I dated this girl a couple years ago, and we had to break up when I went to college because we were going to different places. We ended on really good terms and whenever we were both home we would always hookup. We kept it really casual and everything was all good. Lately, though, she has been blowing me off when we make plans to hang out with no explanation. It has been a couple months since we last talked. Should I keep trying to make plans and risk her blowing me off, or wait for her to try to make plans with me?

 

A: Home hook ups, post-high school graduation are the sh*t. I personally enjoyed the hell out of them as a freshman and sophomore in college. But as time goes on and you get more deeply settled into your college life, home hook ups have a tendency to fizzle out.

Either this girl has a boyfriend at school that she doesn’t want to tell you about, or she has a new home hookup.

Also, maybe both.

Q: Assuming a girl is legal, what’s an appropriate age gap?

 

A: Well that’s the sketchiest question I’ve got all night… Which is why I’m responding. First of all, assuming a girl is legal in any situation is f*cking dicey and you should always request to see her driver’s license. But in a hypothetical situation, assuming she is of age  (18? 21? Who knows these days), you should try to break the gap no more than five years in your 20’s or 3 years in your teens. God knows I’ve tried to push both boundaries, because being a young hot girl getting wooed by an older dude is just plain fun. But if it feels like a stretch, or you guys look awkward in public…start fishing closer to your own pond.

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