Every goddamn time I try to have a conversation in a loud bar my years of earbud abuse catches up to me. At this point, people sound like adults in Charlie Brown’s life to me. Especially my left ear. You say anything into my left ear, you can bet your life savings I didn’t hear even a word of it. That fucking pile of shit is a lost cause. Basically just a wax and random hair factory at this point.
So yeah, without fail, that big red slice below is always me. Partially because I can’t hear what anyone is saying and also because I usually don’t care enough to ask someone to repeat themselves.
Sample conversation I’ve reluctantly entered with some random acquaintance:
Me: “How’s your job? You still with Citi Group?”
Him:” Womp womp womp womp. Wompity womp.”
Me: “Hahahaha. Typical. So what else is new — you and Ashley still planning the wedding?”
Him: Womp womp womp womp. Womp-a-roo.
Me: “HAHAHAHAHA. That’s rich. Let’s go grab another beer.”
Meanwhile, he just told me he got laid off six months ago and he caught Ashley getting finger banged in a shed by his dad on the 4th of July. Poor sap has had a rough couple of months, I’m glad I didn’t have to hear about it.
I want more like this!
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