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Welcome Week Madness: A Bro Meets the Best-Worst Roommate Ever

By / 08.15.12

Think you’ve got a better Welcome Week memory? Send it our way, and we’ll see if it’s prize-worthy.  We will be publishing the cream of the crop over the next couple weeks to get you even more amped up for another school year.

My freshman year of college, I came in to something that I can't say I expected.  My school was about six hours from home and leaving at 8 a.m. to get there at 2 p.m. was what seemed logical.  I walked in the room and the first thing I see is my roommate (whom I've never met) shaving his chest in our mirror.

The first words he said were, “Don't judge me, man.”

I had no idea what I could say.  Needless to say, I figured this kid was nuts and I was going to hate him.  Once my parents sent me off and it was just me and my cleanly shaven roommate alone, I figured out I was going to love this kid.

He had our mini-fridge stocked with 60 beers.  You may not think that 60 beers can fit in a mini-fridge, but it did.  I actually tried it again with no luck. 

My roommate and I set in on these beers and I was making small dents, while this tank couldn't stop chugging them.  Within the hour, this crazy f*ck was 15-deep.

I didn't know what to think.  Should I stop him, join him, or cheer him on? I was freaking out.  Well, we got to talking and he lived on a farm and had been drinking since age 10.  No surprise there. 

We went to this house party all sh*thoused, and we had a good time.  He did his thing and I did mine.

I was pursuing  this girl all night and she seemed to be into me.  We went back to her place and I told Roommate that I would be back later.  So I went to this chick’s room and started hooking up. 

This part’s fuzzy to me,  but all I remember was she wouldn't let me take her bra off and it was pissing me off.  So finally I just said “f*ck it” and ripped it off. I literally just ripped her bra off her body.  As she turned around to grab it while being a stupid chick and yelling at me, the door opened to her roommate stumbling in and eventually literally projectile vomiting across the room.

I got up didn't help at all and walked home.  I was shell-shocked and ready to just fall asleep.

I walked into my dorm building and every piece of furniture in the common rooms was just flipped upside-down.  I knew it had to be him.  I got to my door, opened it, and literally was face-to-face with a f*cking forest in my room.

Roommate successfully took every fake tree in the common areas throughout the whole building and put them in my room.  All I remember as I fell asleep was him waking up and saying, “Man, I think I'm going to get a monkey for us.”

Needless to say that was the most eventful day/night of my life and I can never forget it.

Another note, he got kicked out of school after two more weeks and I never saw him again.  What a legend.


TAGScollege storiesRoommateswelcome week
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