Job interviews suck. They’re an annoying exercise in how well you can pretend to be someone you’re not because let’s be real: no one wants to hire the real you because the real you is a terrible, substance abusing asshole who is more interested in playing "Call of Duty" and securing his next plow than he is about anything else. And it's bad enough that we have to put on our fake "I'm thrilled to be interviewing for this job" face and answer specific questions that pertain to the job, but some cocksuckers like to get their rocks off by asking you questions that have nothing to do with being a Customer Service Representative at Amazon. Below are 10 of the 25 weirdest questions interviewers asked in 2012 according to CBS.
Keep in mind, these are REAL questions that were asked during actual job interviews in 2012.
1. "A penguin walks through that door right now wearing a sombrero. What does he say?" - Asked at Clark Construction Group, office engineer candidate.
He says, "Who’s asshole do I have to fist to get a Choco Taco around here?” I mean, what else would a Mexican penguin say?
2. "If you were to get rid of one state in the U.S., which would it be and why?" - Asked at Forrester Research, research associate candidate.
The right answer to this question is obviously being appalled and saying some bullshit like "every state is vital to our country" but if you can already see that you don't want the job you should probably just go for the gold and answer the man. "I'm glad you asked this, Jeff..."
3. "What songs best describes your work ethic?" - Asked at Dell, consumer sales candidate.
"World's Greatest" by R. Kelly
4. "[Amazon CEO] Jeff Bezos walks into your office and says you can have a million dollars to launch your best entrepreneurial idea. What is it?" - Asked at Amazon, product development candidate.
"You think I'm going to tell you my million dollar idea without you giving me a job first? Get fucked, Bezos"
5. "What do you think about when you are alone in your car?" - Asked at Gallup, associate analyst candidate.
Tough question. My thoughts are vast and range from anything like poor life decisions I've made, to what I feel like eating for dinner, to if it's safe to do something with my current erection.
6. "How would you rate your memory?" - Asked at Marriott, front desk associate candidate.
"The same way I rate women: misogynistically."
7. "What's your favorite song? Perform it for us now." - Asked at LivingSocial, Adventures City manager candidate.
"Perform it for us now." Are you kidding me? It's one thing to ask someone to name their favorite song, but it's cruel to make them sing it. Unless you're a songbird or one of those guys who loves singing/ freestyling right in someone else's face (you know THAT guy) it's just too humiliating. I couldn't do it. My singing voice is somewhere between a morning fart and the noise a garbage disposal makes so if I were being interviewed by the asshole at LivingSocial I'd get out of this like so: "My favorite song is "Long Road" because it reminds me of my dead brother who we lost a year ago last week. Still want me to sing it, Chad?"
8. "What kitchen utensil would you be?" - Asked at Bandwidth.com, marketer candidate.
"A turkey baster (WINK)."
9. "If you had turned you cell phone to silent and it rang really loudly despite it being on silent, what would you tell me?" - Asked at Kimberly-Clark, biomedical engineer candidate.
"Can you believe this fucking thing? I set it to silent and it still rang!?! This goddamn, piece of no good shit STILL RANGGGGGG (Hurls phone at the wall). Try ringing now, bitch! (Hovers over the broken phone and barks like DMX) TRY RINGING NOW! (Barks again) I’m sorry, what was your question?"
10. "If you could be anyone else, who would it be?" - Asked at Salesforce.com, sales representative candidate.
"The least famous wealthiest person in America."
Click here to see the rest of the 25 weirdest questions interviewers asked in 2012