Life
by Mr. T on July 17, 2014

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I had a real life Hottie Index experience in Newport, RI over the weekend. On Friday I was walking down the street when I saw two chicks. The one of the left was pretty cute. As I got closer it hit me that not only was the girl pretty cute with nice legs, but it was actually Emma Stone, who was in town filming a new Woody Allen movie. She looked much smaller than I expected in person. I wondered if I’d see her out at the bars over the weekend. As luck would have it, two hours later I was packing up the car for the beach and I saw her and her friend on the street again. This time I smiled and waved, with the gesture returned two girls. At that point I decided why not spit some game, invite them to the barbecue at the house later, and see where luck would take me. The next thing I remember I wound up in handcuffs being stuffed in a cop car. I guess I should really lay off those Bloody Marys first thing in the morning. (Did I have you going there for a second? Yeah I didn’t actually have those Bloody Marys.) Now on to the list!

Selena Gomez

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The internet is alive with Selena Gomez hysteria right now. The first thing that caught everyone’s attention was that Gomez looked to have larger, perkier boobs than we remember. She’s a small girl so any kind of enhancement catches our attention. They get even more attention when there’s a nipple slip on Instragram and she’s not wearing a bra while parading around. I mean if this girl isn’t trying to draw attention to her rack, I’m not sure what she’s doing.

Ann-Katherin Brommel

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A lot of us are sad that the World Cup is now over after a great five-and-a rhalf week run. (Don’t worry soccer fans. The EPL starts in four weeks.) At least the World Cup ended with a bang as Mario Götze scored a marvelous goal in extra time to win it for Germany. More marvelous than the goal is his girlfriend Brommel. She’s a model, a singer, and seems to want her own personal acclaim, as opposed to just being the girlfriend of a World Cup winning scorer. Götze better watch out that Brommel doesn’t use the fame she finds from being connected to him now as a way to leave him behind going forward.

Karen Gillan

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I’m not sure what it is about Gillan, but I’ve always had a soft spot for her. Maybe it was because I enjoy ‘Doctor “Who’ or maybe it’s because I dated a girl who reminded me of her. Gillan is finally hitting main stream after hitting the big screen as the star in ‘Oculus’ (without her Scottish accent) and in the soon to be released ‘Guardians of the Galaxy.’ (She also starred in a small movie called ‘Not Another Happy Ending’ where she was as close as possible to being full frontal without it happening. At least there’s some ass shots to enjoy.) Her role in ‘Galaxy’ may spook you because she’s got a shaved head, but Esquire’s recent photo-shoot reminds you she looks quite good with hair and a bikini on. We’ll just pretend the show ‘Selfie’ that’s airing on ABC this fall isn’t happening because it looks terrible even if it stars Harold from ‘Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle.’

Nicole Scherzinger

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Age is just a number, right? It is if you ask Scherzinger, who is still bringing it at age 36. Sure her music career never really took off in the U.S., but at least she’s got the money from the foreign sales, what she did with the Pussycat Dolls, and her appearances on ‘The X-Factor’ to fall back on. And then there are her looks, which is mostly the reason we know her as well as we do. They’re still going at 36 as Scherzinger is able to twerk just as well and as sexy as she used to. Thank God for that.

Ashley Benson

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We started with one chick from ‘Spring Breakers’ and we’re ending with another. And what do you know, we’re also talking about Benson’s tits. (Maybe you like blondes more than brunettes, so this part could be more interesting for you.) Benson was caught topless while vacationing in Hawaii. You know we can’t link to it [Ed. Note: Fuck it], but it’s amazing what a Google search can do these days.

Mr. T

About Mr. T...

Mr. T came out of the womb with a TV remote in one hand and a piece of paper with a bookie’s number in the other. Anointed a child prodigy after winning a March Madness pool at the age of nine, Mr. T serves as BroBible’s fantasy sports expert and resident handicapper. He's never seen a road trip he didn't like and spends way too much time researching female celebrities.