We’ve been having a few conversations in our office today about dicking off at work. It all stemmed from a former BroBible employee IM’ing me saying that working here right out of college made him a hard worker. I guess I never thought about it since this isn’t my first career, but he never knew people in most jobs only work like two hours a day and then spend the other six rotating between pretending to take 45-minute shits and perfecting the art of closing their browser at the speed of light. Hell, back in my corporate office job days, I watched the every episode from first four seasons of Dexter on my computer over the course of two weeks because I basically had no other work to do. Of course that’s not all I did — – I’m not a maniac for Christ’s sakes – each day I made sure to take an hour break for lunch.
I mentioned this to the team and David Covucci, a fairly recent transplant from an corporate office job, immediately chimed in with, “I miss being able to take a 30 minute shit like at my old job.” As if I’m here timing his shits, keeping him from moving bowels. Don’t flatter yourself, Covucci.
It’s true, though, the nature of what we do forces us to rarely take breaks and never affords us the opportunity to spend the majority of the day doing nothing. Such is life.
Anyway, CareerBuilder recently surveyed 2,138 hiring managers and HR professionals, and more than 3,000 private sector employees about the many ways they shit all over their company and waste time. If I find out Covucci was a part of this survey I’ll fucking shank the bastard. Here are the 11 most outrageous ways people burned time.
- Employee was blowing bubbles in sub-zero weather to see if the bubbles would freeze and break
- A married employee was looking at a dating web site and then denied it while it was still up on his computer screen
- Caring for her pet bird that she smuggled into work
- Employee was shaving her legs in the women’s restroom
- Lying under boxes to scare people
- Employees were having a wrestling match
- Employee was sleeping, but claimed he was praying
- Taking selfies in the bathroom
- Changing clothes in a cubicle
- Printing off a book from the Internet
- Employee was warming her bare feet under the bathroom hand dryer
I’m not sure any of those even stack up to my Dexter marathon. If you’ve got better ways that you’ve personally killed time at work please, PLEASE email me at Jason (at) BroBible (dot) com.
[H/T: The Street]