Life
by Fitz E Fresh on November 28, 2012

Q: So I have this really hot girlfriend. The only problem is that she is a virgin. Why is it a problem she is a virgin you ask? Well because she claims she wants to wait till marriage. I can’t tell if its true or not. I would break up with her but she is so hot. She also claims that she thinks dicks are gross and would never touch one and that she wants to wait to do everything else until she is married. I highly doubt she is saying this because she want to marry me, we are in high school. But do you think there is any truth to these statements and what are my chances of doing anything with her?

A: So your girlfriend is a religious prude– but you're clearly a shallow teenager, so both personalities sound pretty age/gender appropriate. Of course you're not going to marry this girl– so if you're trying to shed your v-card rather than learn how to be in an actual functional relationship, you should probably stop wasting your…hesitant girlfriend's time and move on to some lower grade skanks.

Oh– and there's not a chance in hell she's waiting until marriage– whether she realizes it or not, she's waiting until college. 

Q: Christmas is right around the corner, and I'm gift shopping for the girl I've been seeing. We've been off and on for almost two years, but we're just now starting to take it a little more serious. She's hinted pretty strongly about what she wants (matte-black Wellington rain boots, for those who care about such things), and I'm down to open the wallet.

But her birthday is just on the other side of Christmas. Two presents. I figure one can be the boots, and the other can be some silly, cheap, romantic stuff.

But which present takes priority — the Christmas gift or the birthday gift? She'll be with her family for the former, but the latter is just for her, you know?

A: Whereas Christmas is usually the time to break out the wallet and wrap a big fat bow around a shiny present, birthdays are a great opportunity for the “thoughtful” gift, so you're on the right track. If she wants the boots, give her the boots under the tree. When her birthday rolls around have a home-cooked meal, a card and her favorite flowers to the office with a unique surprise prepared and she'll be more than content. Asking her friends for suggestions on specifics won't hurt either.

Q: I was wondering if there is a general consensus among chicks on facial hair on guys? I'm a guy who can grow my facial hair pretty easily and am wondering if I should keep the well-groomed full beard, or just go clean shaven. I've gotten compliments from girls saying I look great with a beard and I've also gotten compliments saying I have a nice face and shouldn't cover it up with a beard. I'm a tall, fit guy as well but can't decide if I should stay clean shaven or keep the beard, seeing that I personally like both. Or does it all just vary from girl to girl with no real general preference?

A: Beards are sexy. They may not always be the softest thing to have rubbed against various parts of your body but they're rugged and manly, and often help you to stand apart from the rest of the crowd. That said, they're not every girls cup of tea– but unlike dudes who can't grow them at all, you can always shave yours off. In my opinion, if you've got those strong manly genes, keep it well-groomed and flaunt that shit.

Q: During fall break, a friend of mine introduced me to her smokeshow of a friend. We watched a movie, had great conversation, and I snagged her number at the end of the night. We talk occasionally but she doesn't seem too interested through texting. I assumed it all went to shit but last week at a party, I saw her grinding with her date next to me. She then proceeded to make eye contact, vigorously grind on her dates dong,and make out with him. She made eye contact once more to make sure I saw. My mind is completely fucked. What is this?

A: We're looking at an a-grade example of Revenge of the Girl– she found out you made out with another chick and wants to rouse some jealousy in your loins while she grinds on someone else’s. Bottom line, she's still interested. Weird way of showing it, I know; but us mammals can be very primal and strange at times. Continue pursuing her until you get the chance to clear the air.

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