Life
by Fitz E Fresh on June 12, 2014

tinder

Before we get going, submit your Ask a Babe questions here.

Q: So as you may have noticed Tinder (the dating app) has completely just changed the way we tinder by adding a snapchat story board like feature. My question here as a guy is, what type of shit are we supposed to send to possibly hundreds of anonymous girls without looking an asshat.

A: Unfortunately single Breau, my relationship status has rendered me ineligible to notice such changes. And therefore, also my ability to comment with full knowledge on any pressing app updates to any and all dating-related mediums…whatsoever.

In order to give you the fairest response, I had to seek wisdom from some of the single 10′s I surround myself with.

Which allowed me to reach the following conclusion: Dating nowadays makes shooting fish in a barrel look…hard. Having an instant database of babes you can contact or reject at your fingertips has rendered taking a shot at getting a number in person essentially irrelevant. In a way that sucks, but since it does help to broader horizons as well I guess I’m down with it. As far as your snap pic goes, you shouldn’t have to consult me on what to send or not.

But since you did, here’s my feedback:

Don’t: dick pics, selfies at church, captions with hashtags, post-gym photo shoots.

Do: animal pics, funny/spontaneous shots, cool landscapes/skylines.

You got this from here? Go forth and enjoy the single life.

At this point it’s kind of hard to fuck up.

Q: So this girl and I have been talking for about a month now. We pretty much text all day every day and often times she tells me that she’s the type of girl I’ve been looking for. Is she hinting at something?

A: Is she hinting at something…like the desire to get you in her pants? Yeah. Pretty much, man. What more does the girl need to do, paint you a “Prom with Me?” Poster? Give her a break.

I mean for shits sake, give ME a break. Girls don’t throw around those sorts of hints to be funny or misleading, so quit with the texting and start with the doing. This girl in question, to be exact. Get in some quality face time over dinner and see where things go. If by some unfortunate fate of god she’s somehow not responsive, well, she’s the one who looks like the idiot.

Q: So I dated this girl two years ago, but we broke up because she cheated on me with my roommate and good friend. She kinda let herself go, but now is hot as hell again and I want to fuck her one more time before I move out of state in a month. Is it worth hitting her up, or is contacting my ex a horrible idea? If so what do I say to her? Mind that we left on really bad terms.

A: Dude, you’re already giving me secondhand anxiety. It is NEVER a good idea to rekindle unfaithful, angry flames. If things had ended on a positive note–or more importantly, if she hadn’t fucked your best friend–this might be a different story. I might say, “Ya know what man, get in that last sweet sack sesh to hold onto in your memories for years to come. Why not?

But when you consider the terrible, disloyal grounds upon which you concluded your time together, I think we can all agree that this is a BAD IDEA. There are way too many eligible fish in the sea to go crawling back to a poisonous ex who will in all likelihood end up hurting you again.

If you’re really looking for a jab, I’d target a former (or current) flame of your shitty “friend” who fucked her behind your back.

(What? Did I just say that? Guess I’m more fired up today than I realized.) Even if you don’t take that last piece of probably terrible advice, moral of the story is DON’T, BANG, YOUR ASSHOLE OF AN EX. I hope this advice reached you in time. Over and out.

Q: So this summer my girlfriend and I are living in two separate places but we see each other on the weekends. What I want to know is how often should I actually pick up the bill for both of us cause it is killing my wallet at this point. When I come into town we basically spend the weekend together and I pick up all the tabs. It’s not like shes demands I pay for everything, I’m just afraid of being that douche who makes his girlfriend pay for everything. Is it acceptable for me to just tell her she’s gotta pay for her own damn salad every once in a while? And if so how often haha?

A: I get where you’re coming from here. Considering you’re a college student, you have no expendable income to speak of even for your own financial support, much less a second person. You’re clearly still on your parents dime and frankly, I doubt they appreciate taking on this additional child just because you’re dating her at the moment.

But in order to rectify this you’ve got to craft your words more carefully.

“Demanding she pay for something every once in a while”…will not get you very far. In fact, it will probably get you…dumped. So rather than demanding , or just automatically whipping your wallet out every time a bill hits the table, drop a couple subtle hints.
After a glance in your wallet, a “Shit–I don’t think I have enough cash on me” should trigger an alarm for her to offer to pitch in.
If she doesn’t bite, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with casually asking if she wants to split the check. Sure it might feel a little awkward, and you don’t have to do it every single time; but in reality, there’s literally nothing wrong about that. Being chivalrous or manly is not reliant upon how many times you foot the bill–and she knows that just as well as you do.

Unless she has reason to believe you’re pulling in six figures while studying for finals, she has no grounds to protest. And if she does, then maybe she isn’t there for the right reasons. Take it for a test drive. If it comes down to it, a PB&J dinner may have to be the next step.

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