I know this is a weird thing to want to hang your hat on; to say, “I live in a vulgar state and I'm going to peacock my fucking ass off about it,” but I do want that for myself. Moreover, I feel like these states I've lived in have a solid case to get “Sailor” consideration. How doesn't Philadelphia put PA permanently on that map under “Sailors?” Are people in Pittsburgh just polite as shit, righting all of Philly's wrongs? New York City is the same way, maybe Buffalo and Syracuse are fucking the Big Apple over with their funny accents and kind ways. And don't even get me started on Florida. You can't tell me all the gonzo stuff that goes down in the sunshine state is being done politely.
What a terrible morning. I'm so confused. Embarrassed, really. Never have I wanted to be from Ohio and not be from Ohio all at the same time. Feel so cold and alone, you guys.