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This Guy’s BJ Was Going Swell Until He Looked Down And Saw What She Was ACTUALLY Doing

By / 08.25.14

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Everyone’s had a horrifying drunk hookup. You know, the kind where you accidentally rip ass halfway through and it’s so rancid and the girl is so drunk that she barfs all over your bed? No? YEAH THAT HASN’T HAPPENED TO ME EITHER GUYS, REALLY (protip: don’t eat eggs before going out at night). It’s okay though, because Reddit user IdenticalEarl has one that’s so horrifying it’ll probably top whatever lame-ass story you’re thinking of right now. Heads up, English isn’t this guy’s first language.

This happend about 10 years ago, I was 17 years and the legal drinking age in norway is 18, but I looked older so I snuck in to a bar. I was drinking, having fun and start to talk to this lady. She did not drink so we talked about that for a while while I was getting more and more drunk. I remember that I thought “she got nice teeth”. Yeah that drunk. Oh.So.Drunk.

Out of the blue she asks me if i wanted to go to her place. I thought “well I’ve done worse” and well we left. She told me she was 28 years old, and I was impressed. I was finally getting an experienced girl. Maby I could learn something new from this chick…

Well we get to her place and she gets undressed, so did I. She goes down on her knees to give BJ, I remember thinking “how long does it take to get the D in her mouth”,she finally started and wow what a BJ it was, the best I’ve ever had. Better than any sex I’ve ever had before.

Well after a period of time I was done and that’s where I realised the FU. She looked up at me and smiled and SHE WAS FUCKING TOOTHLESS!!! She had taked out the fake teeth and layed them on the floor under her. I never noticed that because….well… Shitfaced. Enough said. I started screaming like a girl and started walking backwards, I didn’t see the shower curtan and fell in her shower while hyperventilating making small squeaky noises. For F sake!!! she looked like a toothless bulldog eating mayonnaise.

Well needless to say, I was scared out of my wits so I ran over my clothes, taking them with me, hiding in the kitchen, trying to get dressed. She came out to the kitchen and she had put her teeth in again, I was still scared as hell so I ran out. She started calling me but I did not answer, but after constant calling for 2 hours I took the call and the weird thing was that she started apologizing to ME!!! I was shocked. On top of it all I needed a place to stay for the night so what the hell. Long story short. I dated her for a year and had a whole year full of fantastic BJ’s.

Oh, and she had a gum-disease, and that is why her teeth fell out.
And yes I know I was an asshole for reacting like that, but I panicked.
TLDR: got a BJ from a toothless girl, got scared, fell in her shower while trying to escape.

For those of you who are like me and always wondered if a toothless gum-filled blowjob would be better than one where the girl had managed to not rot her teeth out, I hope that answers your question. Oh, and apparently it’s called a “gummer” rather than a “blowjob.”

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[H/T Reddit]


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Rebecca Martinson
About Rebecca Martinson... Rebecca Martinson is a recent graduate from the University of Maryland who is notoriously known throughout the Internet for being really, really adequate at writing emails. She joined BroBible right after graduating in the Spring of 2014 and doesn't hate it...yet.

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