Unemployed former fairground operator Mike Holpin, has fathered 40 children with 20 different women. And he’s proud of it.
Holpin, a 56-year-old recovering alcoholic, has children between the ages of three and 37, and admits he would not recognize them all. He’s tattooed all their names on his back so he doesn’t forget them.
Why did he create so many mini-Holpins without the means of supporting himself, nevermind 40 children? God, of course.
“In the Bible God says go forth and multiply – I’m doing what God wants. I’m as fertile as sin, I don’t believe in contraception and I love sex. I’ve got 22 kids that carry my name and there’s about 18 – probably a few more – that don’t.”
“Go forth and fuck everything that looks in your direction. Thou shall feel no pressure to father your offspring, just get fucked up instead.” Corinthians 6:14
Holpin has been married only three times and currently lives with his fiancee and two of his children. Ok, a 5% father rate ain’t half bad.
“Due to my drinking and my womanising, most of my kids have gone through the care system and it makes me feel like shit because they’ve suffered.”
“When this goes hard [points to his groin] this goes soft [points to his head] and that is the God’s honest truth. I could have more kids. Its not that I am a babe magnet, I’ve got a hell of a sense of humour and I’ve got a personality.”
‘Knock, knock.’
‘Who’s there’
‘Our child.’
That’s all it must take for this sexual savage. A joke here, a joke there, and then a human person is created.
I can’t pretend that I’m not intrigued by the prospect of 40 little Keohan’s polluting this earth. One of them has to go Pro in something. I’d house and nurture the Quarterback so I can cash in when he’s drafted, maybe score an E:60 film out of it, and for my children with learning disabilities I’d just send Christmas cards with $8 in them. Weed out the weak ones, it’s Darwinism.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go run slant routes for my son, Tanner. That’s my boy.
Oh, I just fathered another with no discernible talent? Um…..
[Via The Telegraph]