Shirtless Tough Guy Talking Shit At House Party Immediately Turns Charmin Soft When Confronted

I may not be as ‘hip’ and ‘with it’ as you bros may be so if you’ll excuse me, I’m just going to phone a friend to clarify a couple of terms used by our shirtless friend here. We’ll call him Chad.

“Don’t fuck with me when I’m one on.” Hold the phone.

Noted. So the dude’s rolling face. Or hopped up on that booger sugar.

“I got killas in the streets.” Pause.

That leaves me with no choice but to file an inquiry with Urban Dictionary.

While we wait for a response, I’d like to instill a small piece of wisdom in Chad. Bruh, this isn’t the internet, you can’t just be spewing venom without be conscious of consequence. Real people with arms and fists will knock your ass out and make you late for curfew. A toothless dog should never bark.

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Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.