Life
by Andy Moore on May 17, 2013

Actually, that was Chappelle's Show's Tyrone Biggums, but if there's ever a time to pair a classic quote with a story of a politican smoking crack, damnit, now is the time: Rob Ford, mayor of Toronto and frequent BroBible target, may have been caught on camera smoking crack. This, according to Gawker's John Cook, who says he saw video of the incident but is unwilling to pony up the six figures that the video's owner is asking for.

Here's part of what Cook saw:

Here is what the video shows: Rob Ford, the mayor of Toronto, is the only person visible in the frame. Prior to the trip, I spent a lot of time looking at photographs of Rob Ford. The man in the video is Rob Ford. It is well-lit, clear. Ford is seated, in a room in a house. In one hand is a a clear, glass pipe. The kind with a big globe and two glass cylinders sticking out of it. In the other hand is a lighter. A slurred voice off-camera is ranting about Canadian politics in what sounds like an attempt to goad Ford. “Pierre Trudeau was a faggot!” is the one phrase the lodges in my mind. Ford, pipe in one hand and lighter in the other, is laughing, and mildly protesting at the sacrilege. He seems to keep trying to light the pipe, but keeps stopping to laugh. He is red-faced and sweaty, heaving with each breath. Finally, he finds his moment and lights up. He inhales.

 

Let's just saw that it wouldn't be totally out of the realm of possibility if Ford turns out to be the world's fattest crackhead. He's a drunken loon. Some hero has created a Google spreadsheet detailing the various incidents of Ford's career—there are 61 entries. A few favorites:

4/15/2006: Ford gets so drunk that he screws up his political ideologies. After being removed from a Maple Leafs game by security guards (can you imagine Bloomberg getting so shitfaced he's pulled from a Rangers game?), Ford starts screaming at… everyone. “You right-wing communist bastards,” he says. “Who the fuck do you think you are? Are you a fucking teacher? Do you want your little wife to go over to Iran and get raped and shot?”

6/4/2010: Ford plays drug dealer, offering to help an ill man “score” OxyContin during a taped phone conversation: “I’ll try, buddy, I’ll try. I don’t know this shit, but I’ll fucking try to find it. Why don’t you go on the street and score it? Fuck, you know, I don’t know any drug dealers at all.”

10/24/2011 Ford calls 911 three times after a team from a Canadian comedy show, CBC's This Hour Has 22 Minutes, approaches him in his driveway. This is what he says to the dispatcher: “You … bitches! Don't you f–king know? I'm Rob f–king Ford, the mayor of this city!” Ford's wife, Renata, also calls 911 that day. It's to report a verbal altercation between herself and Ford.

3/17/2012: He's seen stumbling down a street, incredibly drunk and sweaty, enjoying himself a bit too much during a St. Patrick's Day celebration. A party-goer tells him, “You're the worst mayor ever.” Ford walks over, kissed her on the forehead, and responds, “I know, but I try.” The mayor then goes to a private room party at a restaurant, Bier Markt, and acts in a way that's described as “incoherent.” Ford later storms the dance floor. “The DJ working that night reports Ford fighting and carrying on 'like an idiot.'” Ford is asked to leave.

Ever find your mayor's behavior unbelievable? It's nothing. Nothing. Rob Ford is a movie character. He should not exist. Crack is just the tip of the iceberg.

Andy Moore

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