Over the weekend, three Georgetown University students were charged with manufacturing a controlled substance in their dorm room. Media reports quickly speculated that the students were operating a meth lab in the on-campus residence hall. In reeality, they were cooking up a b*tches brew of DMT crystals, a natural hallucinogenic molecule in the tryptamine family known for powerful psychedelic experiences. Whatever their excuse, the bottom line is clear: These Timothy Leary wannabes were idiots for thinking that running a chemical-based drug lab wouldn't raise suspicions from campus police, an RA, or even the narc down the hall.
In light of the incident, we've compiled a list of the 10 other things you probably shouldn't turn your dorm room into.
1. Strip Club
Back in 2004, a group of enterprising roommates at Jacksonville University went to Home Depot, bought a steel pole, attached it to the ceiling of their dorm room, and constructed a makeshift stage covered in red felt. Later that night, they proceeded to get a bunch of booze and have a little fun. About a dozen female students came over to dance on the str*pper pole, while competing for a $100 Victoria Secret gift card. The evening would have been a huge success if they managed to get away with it. According to Jacksonville.com, the impromptu dorm strip club was busted by campus authorities and its proprietors were put on residential probation for breaking rules about lewd or indecent behavior. Worst of all, some of the coed str*ppers "were ordered to attend counseling," as if there's something wrong with a girl taking off her clothes for someone else's amusement. Pssh.
2. Grow House
Every stoner dreams of cutting costs from a dealer by growing his own weed. However, a dorm room closet is a risky place to apply the marijuana growing techniques you've learned from Nancy Botwin.
3. Rub-n-Tug Massage Parlor
If you're spending the best years of your life paying for handsies in a cinder-block dormitory rather than hooking-up with DTF coeds, well... that's just sad.
Save this for Spring Break in Amsterdam.
5. An Underground Casino
The occasional poker night probably isn't going to raise any eyebrows. However, when you're organizing regular high-stakes games and running an operation as elaborate as Seth Davis in the beginning of "Boiler Room" to pay your college tuition, people will take notice.