Life
by Tolly Taylor on February 19, 2014

tinder-pic

This may come as a shock, but we’re not very good at knowing what girls want. In honor of the Valentine’s Day aftermath—the yearly reminder of man’s ineptitude—I give you this list of helpful hints, bestowed to me by two close girl friends (with my commentary in italics, of course).

Maybe use this to avoid singledom this weekend, aye? You’re welcome.

#1. Don’t write anything in the About You section.

This one blew my mind. Apparently, it’s a big turn off when guys try to be clever. Or include their height. Or write some quote, trying to seem empathetic and thoughtful—turns out, we end up seeming sappy and cliché.

If anything, include the town or city where you live, but nothing else.

#2. No pics with your shirt off at the gym.

Here, let’s condense that for you particularly thickheaded individuals: No pics with shirts off. Period.

I couldn’t believe some guys actually do this, but they assured me it’s pretty common. Guys who do this, you’re better than that. You seem desperate and self-involved. STOP.

#3. Don’t start a conversation with a contrived pickup line.

I wasn’t shocked that some guys do this, although it’s apparently as pleasant as the shocker is for girls.

Dudes, when you start off with some cheesy, clichéd pickup line, it seems like you got together with a bunch of bros and dared each other to try stupid lines on pretty girls. I get what they’re saying here, but this part surprised me: apparently using these clichéd pickup lines also oozes insecurity, making it doubly unattractive. Huh. The More You Know.

#4. There is a way to correctly choose photos.

First, you need a picture that’ll catch her eye, preferably something that’s attractive (though with your shirt still on) or shows how tan you are. I’m not tan. All is lost.

Second, you need a picture that shows one of your hobbies, to demonstrate that you get out and are independent. Cave spelunking. Nailed it.

Third, a picture with you and several friends. Girls want to know that you’re personable and sociable. How about a picture with several pizza boxes—it shows that I’ll eat your leftovers?

Finally, and most importantly, the picture that shows why you’re the bring home to mom type. I asked them about this, and they said most girls on Tinder don’t actually want you to meet their mother—far from it—but they want to feel like they could bring you home, or be proud to show you off, if they wanted to. Frankly, they lost me at mom.

Girls (or guys), any other tips we should know for successful Tinder surfing? Leave your comment below.

Tolly Taylor is a regular contributor to BroBible.

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