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Should You Throw Down For Your Lady?

By / 08.06.14

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Q: O mighty and all-knowing one, I’m a rising sophomore at a state school with a large Greek life. While there are plenty of gorgeous women here, most of them seem to be rather airheaded, sorority types. I might sound picky but finding a driven woman who is intelligent, interesting, and beautiful seems to be a daunting task. I don’t drink (long story), so I don’t go to too many parties which clearly eliminates some of the best mixing spots on campus.

I have two questions; do you know where I can meet this type of woman or should I stop looking for an actual relationship until after college and just aim for getting laid? Second, I’m a smart outgoing guy, with a good personality, but not that great looking (5-6 is what I’m told, but I’m also Indian so…) so am I aiming too high by going for the total package?

A: Big state school with a bunch of basic bitch sorostitutes? Yeah man, sounds about right.

I commend you a thousand times over for seeking something beyond that; a woman with substance. Sadly, I think you’re seeking in all the wrong places. Which is fine, because as a rising sophomore, you’ve got plenty of time left to expand your search parameters.

I don’t think it needs to be said that the whole “not drinking” thing is in itself rather limiting, so you’re going to have to really branch out here. Not going to parties, not drinking, and seeking an intelligent girlfriend in a sea of dumb broads feels like the odds simply are not in your favor. So it goes. In the interest of keeping things realistic and achievable, I’m gonna say that, for the time being at least, focus not on a long-term and meaningful relationship, but simply on putting yourself out there and getting laid. I know, it’s not a sustainable model or a road to true love but shit–you really never know. With so many odds working against you–not even including your self-proclaimed unattractiveness, which I’m choosing to ignore–you’ve got a lot of upstream swimming to do my friend.

And even though I don’t know you, I feel like you got this. Don’t sell yourself short. Go get em tiger.

Q: I’ve been seeing this woman for awhile and things are great, we get along great; she’ll watch my sappy movies and I’ll watch her cop shows. (I definitely am not the most masculine “macho” guy, but I do alright.) She’s pretty good at everything, the relationship is great, but we have one great downfall and that’s the sex. I’ve been a Slut in my younger years and have had quite the amount of romps. We’re on two very different levels sexually; I’m very ambitious, playful, little on the wild side, and even though she gets super excited and turned on, she wants to just have simple sex. (Literally missionary and cowgirl. Nothing more.) She’s very closed in sexually.  How do I bring her to be a little more open sexually? Or at the very least open to new ideas?

Thank you.

A: Odd to me that you watch sappy love films yet she’s the one who’s closed in sexually. Then again, I’m rarely really surprised these days. As always, these things don’t come easily; but at the same time, you just might be surprised by how much a little bit of encouragement can do. Some hand holding. Then some handcuffing. Now we’re talking.

The key is getting her real nice and warmed (read: lubed) up so she’s at her prime willingness to get a little weird. Being hesitant or saying no is a lot harder when you’re two minutes away from what you know is about to be the best orgasm of your week. Hell, maybe even your month. Use this to your advantage.

Also completely separate note, I kind of love that you turned your self-proclaimed Slutiness into a proper noun.

Q: What are your thoughts on a guy who is willing to throw down for his girl? I don’t mean like the overly-jealous macho dude, but the kinda guy who is willing to fight for his girl’s honor at a bar or something. I feel like it’s the right thing to do but I understand that some women don’t find violence too sexy.

A: The biggest thing to address here is the very distinguishable line between being willing to get in a fight to defend the honor of a loved one, and actively wanting an excuse to punch stranger in the face. One is an act of chivalry while the other is a direct result of too much testosterone and too little self-esteem. One is sometimes admirable while the other is always unsexy.

Capiche? Cool.

Now, returning to your question in it’s original form.

My thoughts are that a man who is willing to physically protect his lady friend is a solid thing. But, in the instance that she actively NEEDS it only. There have been situations where I’ve gotten into tiffs with an assortment of douchebags hitting on me, basic bitches skipping me in line, taxi drivers who threaten to throw me out for drunkenly smoking a cig…and I just don’t want any interference.

Until I’m on the ground screaming “Uncle,” let me fight my own fight, man.

Keeping this in mind, keep the muscles on hand (and at bay).

Q: A few of my friends and I read your “dating requirements” thing from last week today and said if anyone should hit you up, it should be me, and challenged me to do it.  Not one to back down, here I am.

You talk a lot of noise about what it takes to date you… I’m pretty sure I have everything you asked for, with the notable exception being that I live ON 23rd street (at 2nd ave), and not below 23rd street.  At least I live by myself.  I guess you’ll have to be the judge on the rest. Though I, for one, would be interested to see if you’re as smart as you want a guy to be.

If you’re not all bark and no bite, drop me a line at my spam email address that I put on here (I’d never give this site my real email address), and maybe we can see what’s what.  If not, well… at least I called you out and didn’t back down.

A: I have to say. This inquiry–or challenge, really, amused and intrigued the hell out of me.

I did think about it.  I did read it aloud to some girlfriends who volunteered a summer Friday (after no fewer than six beers) to get involved with the rendezvous and stake out a street corner meeting point.

The 23rd street situation isn’t a deal breaker at all. Though my current hood is decidedly cooler, my first NYC apartment was located on that street when I could still ask my parents to pay my $2000/month rent and feel very little remorse for it. Great spot.

I dunno. Maybe I’m a pussy. Or maybe afraid that I already know you, which would be pretty awkward; or that you’re really short. I forgot to add that to the list of requirements.

Despite whatever my reasoning may or may not be, the bold nature of your proposal definitely caught my eye and made me think twice. Then I thought a third time, and came to grips with the fact that it’s not cool or safe to rendezvous with strangers on street corners in New York.

Who knows– maybe the fates will align and we’ll meet by chance somewhere downtown.

I’ll be the bitch pushing guidos aside to get to the bar.

And for the record: it isn’t ‘noise’ that I talk.

It’s wisdom.

Enjoy? Submit. Smash.


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