For the sake of this exercise, let's pretend that photo above is a guy and two chicks on a bench in a public park. Thanks.
So this is the story of one of the wildest nights of my life, as well as my first (and only) threesome. The plan for the evening was simple, head to the local park, grill some food, pound some beers, toss the football around with my bros, and head to a country concert shortly after. Sounds simple right? Wrong.
First off, three of my boys bail on the tailgate/pregame at the park, leaving me alone with my slampiece at the time, as well as my ex, whom we are all still good friends with. So we get down to business and start grilling and shot-gunning everything in sight.
Fast-forward to few games of beer pong later, we're all starting to feel pretty good, so we sit at the picnic table and start playing various drinking games and killing a handle of vodka.
Everyone is pretty lit up at this point and my slam, lets call her Aly, starts suggesting some pretty risqué consequences for losing the drinking games we were playing. Next thing I know, the girls are making out and my ex is topless, and this girl has a GIANT pair of sweater-bombs. So naturally I join in, and start making out with both of them.
Remind you we're in a public park throughout this debauchery.
After awhile, my ex's boyfriend calls, and she wanders off to talk to him. My slam (Aly) takes me to the car and starts riding me in the drivers seat. We go at it hard, and awhile later my ex comes back and sits in the passengers seat, looking extremely depressed. Her boyfriend just broke up with her, and she was now looking for the D. So I start finger blasting my ex with my current slam still on top of me, and eventually they swap places. At this point Aly is pretty worn out / drunk, and decides to leave me alone with my ex, whom I promptly bust inside of.
Soon after, one of my Bros that bailed on the pregame, shows up and tells me that not only he saw what was going on in my car, but at least 4 or 5 other cars, of which several contained small children, drove down the path my car was left on during the deed, noting that all motorists were mortified and appalled.
Eventually we made our way to the concert, most of which none of us remember, but I'll certainly never forget the time we had a three-way at the forest preserve.
This story happened the other weekend when we threw our first big party of the year. I'm a sophomore at a school dominated by Greek life and I'm fortunate enough to have joined a great fraternity. I met this chick the first day of school and brought her back to my room that night and plowed her.
Since then, this dime has been a steady booty call and I can always count on getting laid by her when all else fails. She shows up to our party fairly early and starts coming onto me immediately. We are both pretty liquored up so we decide to head to the bottom floor of our house where one of our brothers had just moved out of. There is no furniture in there, but we get right down to business. We bang standing up, bending her over, you name, this chick fucks like a rabbit. I rip the condom off near the end cause I didn't think I would finish with one on, eventually blowing my load inside her.
Fast-forward two hours the party is continuing and I forget she's even there. She comes stumbling up to me clearly blacked out and starts making out with me. I'm having none of it having gotten my nut so i bring her out to a car leaving with a few of my bros to a different party.
She promptly hops on the lap of one of my brothers and starts making out with him. I wasn't around for the next part, but I'm told he reached the next party and brought her into another room to follow up on my sloppy seconds.
The best part? He went down on her prior to fucking her all night. New kinds of Eskimo brothers.
Anyone else notice how every single submission we receive seems to include the obligatory “fast-forward” reference. If you have, good for you — you’ve got strong comprehension skills.
There are no “fast-forwards” in this next entry but is also your “No Way in FUCKING HELL This Story is True” story of the week.
So my story comes out all the way from North Dakota. I live in North Dakota so it’s fair to say that I live a pretty boring life. Nothing too exciting to do out here besides cow tipping and vagina hole plugging.
Now since there’s not much out here, just small towns, and knowing everyone for your whole life, the girls start to get dtf earlier than most girls. So I’ve known this one town girl for my whole life and I used to have a crush on her when we were younger. She never really noticed me and I never had the balls to say something to her but I was young.
So now it’s the end of my senior year in high school and I still have this crush but I said to myself, “listen randy, this is your senior year, this may be your last chance, just go talk to her”. so I worked up enough courage to do it and one day after school I went up to her and just talked to her. To my surprise she was actually digging it so I got a date with her that weekend.
Come that weekend, we go out (to some local bar & grill) and we hit it off the whole night. So I'm driving her home and she's obviously feelin’ it, touching my arm, moving over her seat to be closer to me and she asks me to come over to “hang out for a little bit.” I said yes before she even got half way through her question.
We get back to her house and this is where it gets FUCKIN’ WEIRD. She lives on a farm so she's got mad animals, horses, cows, pigs, roosters. So we get inside and she's like “I’ve wanted this to happen for years, I never had the courage to talk to you.” I was shocked but ecstatic and I told her the same thing back. We immediately go at it hardcore. Throwin’ each other around, suckin’ my dick, lickin’ her puss, and we eventually go to mofuckin town. Oh man, was it awesome.
NOW HERE COMES THE EPIC PART.
I finish off and were chillin’ for a couple minutes and she says “round 2 in the barn?” of course i was in so we head to this barn and get inside and its filled with about 50 horses. She takes me to this one white haired horse and pushes me up against the horse and starts sucking my dick, while sucking my dick she turns my body in a 180 and drops her pants. I SHIT YOU NOT, the next thing she does is stops suckin my dick for a second to grab the horses cock and stick it in her vagina. I swear to god I was as shocked as you are reading this. She gets it in her puss and moans like it’s her first orgasm. Man she was sucking my dick good at the same time. So I'm having a fucking threesome and making an Eiffel tower with some random horse, I must say it was epic. The horse is lovin’ it, squealin’ n shit. So she switches around and I start poundin her doggie while she starts jerkin off and tryin to suck this horses dick. Still amazed I just cummed in her vag and seconds later the horse splooges all over her face and she just turns around and laughs. Got the fuck outta there and never have talked to her ever again. Never got the horse's name either.
BESTIALITY! YES! SO PLAUSIBLE! Um, yeah, suffice it to say that the improbability of that actually happening is high, it far surpasses the height of Felix Baumgartener's space jump.
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