Message: STOP posting videos of LaCrosse goals and hits. No one could give less of a sh*t about that. Go start the BroBible IVY league edition and refrain from taking up valuable space on an otherwise awesome site.
We hear you, Chooch. Like you, we're extremely concerned about running out of space on the Internet. God knows there's only so much of it. The very suggestion that no one cares about lacrosse in the BroBible office would result in a swift beating. I mean, have you ever met a laxer? They're ornery motherf*ckers. If you're requesting that we stop mentioning LaCrosse, Wisc., then we can gladly comply and agree that, yes, nobody cares about that.
Subject: “Three Girls, One Elevator”
Message: This video is about three drunk and hallucinating college girls who get into an out-of-order elevator they think is a time machine. There's also a human centipede. Won Best Comedy at Campus MovieFest at La Salle University.
That's all we need to see (especially since your dumbass didn't attach the video). Thanks for the new desktop background. We'd like to interview the middle, but its mouth is probably full.
Name: Daniel M.
Subject: UGA Sanford Stadium Climb
Best thing we've ever seen. Compelling and rich. Oh, and private. Extremely private.
Subject: Is your girlfriend a c**t? See HERE
That is seriously messed up. That's why we watched it six times in a row. THAT'S WHY!
Name: Uncle Tad Baker
Subject: Farting Contest information
Message: This is Uncle Tad Baker, from the infamous Loon Show. I've been a fan of your site for awhile and felt it appropriate that you should be one of the first to get the news:
Contestants wanted: Uncle Tad Baker's Loon Show presents The Great American Farting Contest, July 4th, Reno, Nevada.
$5000 Grand Prize to be awarded to America's Best Farter!
For details, visit: LoonShow.com
A 2 minute sample from the world's first public farting contest, with 5-time National Champion, R. Roberti, can be seen here:
Should you care to review the video of the 1st Annual San Francisco Farting Contest, please let me know, along with a mailing address, and I'll send you a copy.
Keep up the great work, and I hope to hear from you, Uncle Tad
Must.Go.To.This. Just knowing that you're America's premier flatulence artist would be prize enough. But throw in an extra $5,000 and you're talking about a the most cherished title in all of sports. We'd like to know how many pairs of pants are ruined at this extravaganza and, really, if it's even embarassing given the context.
Subject: Friends toe
Message: my friend had a little wrestling match in his fraternity this last week. He got flipped over and hit toe hit the ground directly. It automatically popped out of the skin.
Warning: If you don't want to see this, don't scroll down. It's not pretty. OK, you've been sufficiently cautioned. Scroll down for the carnage.
Thanks for reading, gang. If you have a tip, please send it in.